Herald the weirdo!!!

Random thinkings

2011-11-22T16:39:00.001-06:00

Well, hello there! Good to see everyone again!

: )

So, it has been awhile, but I have been incredibly busy. Right after I finished summer school I took a little trip to Kansas to visit my cousin, Courtney. It was fabulous, of course! Growing up I never really appreciated hanging out with my cousins...I never knew how cool they were until I got older. And now, I miss them, and I wish almost on a daily basis they didn't live so far away. Here's a couple of pics from my little road trip to relax my brain before the fall semester:

Pretty much right after I got back I started the fall semester, as well as my new job at Cowboy's Stadium. In my previous post I mentioned having to buy khaki shorts, well that's because I was promoted to tour guide at the Stadium! I was asked at the beginning of the summer, but with summer school I wasn't able to work as much as they were wanting. When my schedule returned to "normal," I started training and within a month I was doing tours on my own! I loved my job before, but now I REALLY love my job! I get to meet new people everyday, I'm the center of attention, and I work at Cowboy's Stadium for crying out loud! I can't begin to explain how thankful I am to go to a job I love. After spending 3 years in a job I absolutely detested, it is such a relief to go work someplace were I don't hate myself for working there.

AND THEN!!! The Rangers went to the World Series for the second time in a row!!! I was so excited for them last year, and I was even more excited for them this year. I got the chance to attend Game 2 of the ALCS (yes, that was the game where Cruz hit the first ever walk-off Grand Slam in the 11th inning), and then one night I was sitting at home watching Game 4 of the World Series. Either my mom or dad mentioned the tickets for Game 5 were a lot cheaper than any of the other games. So, I started looking on StubHub, and we found 3 tickets for Game 5 of the World Series within our price range. Dad had to work the next day, so it was perfect for Kaleb, mom, and I to go...and we did!!! I couldn't believe I was there, and they pulled out a fantastic win to go up 3 games-2!!! Unfortunately, they let Game 6 slip through their hands, literally, and ended up loosing the World Series in Game 7. Ask any Ranger fan, and they'll tell you they're still not over that lose. However, I still smile at the fact I went to a World Series game!!!

There were a couple of other things thrown in this fall semester, as well. I made a quick trip in September to visit Liesl down in Austin and got to go to the Baylor/TCU game with her and her family. I also went back up to OBU for a weekend for my 5 year reunion! The fact I've been gone for 5 years is pretty scary 'cause it definitely does NOT feel like I've been gone that long, but it was A LOT of fun! It was really good to be back on campus, as well as hanging out with a handful people I have really missed over the years.

So those are the things that have been happening as of late, and now onto the random stuff I've been thinking about! I've figured out doing 3 semesters worth of work between June and December without any real break is why my brain feels as if it has melted. I have started to think about the most random things ever, so here's just a little taste of what's been going on in my head lately. You have been warned!!!

First, as I was walking across UTA's campus the other day I wondered for a good 20 minutes as to why they don't have hitching posts anymore for people's horses. Not that anyone really rides a horse to school anymore, but we are in Texas and there are several people in this area that own horses despite the fact it is a city. There is just about every other form of transportation on UTA's campus. There are bike riders, walkers, skateboarders, scooter riders, motorcycle riders, car drivers...everything! And they all have some place to park or lock up their ride...we even have an outlet for an electric car! But no hitching posts! Not a single one on campus, so if somebody did want to ride their horse to school they wouldn't be able to because there are no hitching posts! I have a mind to ride a horse to class one day just to prove my point!

Second, I'm fairly sure, and my mother would agree with me on this one, that Santa Claus is a vampire. Just look at the facts...he only comes out at night, he can travel extremely fast all over the world, he's pale, he likes the color red, and I'm fairly certain that's why he works with reindeer. Santa Claus is probably a vegetarian vampire just like the Cullen's, and he lives off of reindeer blood. Although he does have a lot of elves around him, so that could probably supplement his food if need be. Just think about it, though. A lot of people believe Santa Claus is real, but a lot of people also believe vampires are real. I think Santa Claus kills two birds, so to speak, with one stone by fulfilling two legends of old.

I did warn you. : )

Ok, so that's enough of my randomness as of late. More to come, I promise!

I had no idea

2011-09-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

I knew America was getting fatter. I knew America's kids, especially, were becoming incredibly obese.

But I had no idea it was this bad.

I was in Academy yesterday looking for khaki shorts. I can only wear khaki "golf" shorts for work, and I only have one approved pair of shorts. Well, technically I can wear khaki pants too, but we just reached our 70th 100+ day today so that ain't gonna happen. I digress...

Academy will usually have a pretty good end of the season clearance section, but one of the other reasons why I wanted to go there was because they also sell school uniforms. This means they have a large selection of khaki shorts. And, like I figured, there were a large selection of uniform like clothes, so I go looking and hoping (they are kids clothes after all) for a pair of khaki shorts that would fit. I was kind of thrown for a loop when I saw 20.5 on the tag. At first I thought they were now measuring girl's clothes in inches, so I picked up the largest measurement and held it up to my waist. When the waist on the shorts wrapped around more than 1/2 of my waist I realized 20.5 did not mean 20.5 inches. These shorts were probably comparable to a women's size 8 or 10! Now for women, that's a pretty average size, but for a girl...that's incredibly ridiculous!!!

I decided to not look for a girl's size that would fit me because I realized the shorts were pleated. Seriously?! Who wears pleated shorts??? Anway, I head to the boy's section of the uniform racks thinking those shorts will not have any pleats. Guess what. The ONLY sizes they had were husky sizes! Are you kidding me? I thought maybe it was because all the "normal" size shorts had been purchased already. I checked the pants to confirm this theory. Nope, I was wrong...all husky sized pants, too! Is child obesity so bad that stores really aren't carrying normal sizes anymore?

I know I'm not a parent, yet, but seriously people...get your kids off the couch and get them outside! Stop buying them the newest technological play thing and buy them a bike and helmet! Put them in some sort of physical activity...baseball, basketball, dance, karate...something! GET THEM OFF THEIR BUTTS AND OUT DOING SOMETHING!!!

Ok, I'm off my soap box. Have a good day! : )

4.0

2011-05-19T16:19:00.002-05:00

I spent 8 semesters at OBU, and out of those 8 I think I walked away with maybe 3 or 4 semesters with a 4.0 GPA. I'm pretty sure that might be a little generous, though, although I had a really high GPA upon graduation...

First one at UTA and TCC...first "real" semester back since I graduated from OBU 5 years ago with a total of 16 hours...and I get a 4.0! I'm pretty dang proud of myself right now!

I will say, though, this past semester wasn't much of a challenge for me. Yes, I took 16 hours, but it didn't seem like I took 16 hours. Taking 16 hours at OBU was STRESSFUL, but this was like a walk in the park, and if everything goes as planned, that is probably the most I will have to take in one semester. I know it's gonna get tough when I actually get into the nursing program, and I've heard stories about Patho and Pharm and Nursing Microbiology...but maybe it won't be as bad as I thought it would be. A lady at my church was talking to me about school this past Sunday, and she said she had heard the pre-reqs at UTA were incredibly challenging and difficult. I laughed. Out loud.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other night about school and my future. For the first time in awhile I feel as if I'm finally headed in the right direction with my life, and there's no nagging feeling bugging me. I had this nagging feeling after I graduated from OBU that I wasn't going to get out on the mission field like I had planned. I had this nagging feeling when I started grad school at DBU that I wasn't supposed to be there. I had this nagging feeling about staying at Ecolab...oh wait, my bad! That was just plain hatred for that job! : ) Regardless, I have been plagued by uncertainty since graduating from OBU. So, when I made the decision to become a nurse in a rather hastily manner, I was some what skeptical at how long this would last. Throughout the semester, though, I kept checking to see if that nagging feeling was there and it wasn't. It wasn't ever there, and even now, as much as I complain about taking 11 hours in the summer, I am really looking forward to A&P I and II and even College Algebra! To me, this is a good sign.

And even though I'm so afraid the bottom will fall out beneath me yet again, for now I'm going to take my 4.0, enjoy, and look forward to learning about the human body!!!

Oh, and thank you OBU for challenging me so much during those 4 years while I was there. I didn't realize it until now, but the quality of education is just outstanding. So, thank you, and I will be there in November!!!

Lest we forget

2011-05-02T23:30:00.002-05:00

I know it's been 10 years, but has everyone really forgotten what it was like to watch hundreds of thousands of people die before our very eyes? Surely, the images of a plane deliberately being flown into the second Twin Tower while the first one burns has not left our minds? Or how about the Pentagon burning while a horrible thick, black smoke fills the air, or the few pieces of plane burning amongst a shredded field in Pennsylvania? Surely these have not left our mind's eye?

Maybe it's because some of these people were only kids when this happened, and the impact of that day...the horrific feeling of being completely exposed and vulnerable and "what now?" was beyond their understanding. I don't want to tell people you can't possibly have understood that because you were so young, but I do know I didn't understand the gravity of the events OBL orchestrated before 9/11 because they were before my "age of understanding."

I do remember that day, though, like it was yesterday. I do remembering thinking how strange it was that our nation was experiencing one of the worst days in our history and at the same time the weather was beautiful all across our land. I remember wondering what was going to happen with my dad because he was still active in the military. I remember watching so many of my friends enlist because they wanted to help protect our country...and now one of them won't be returning home because of his commitment.

And it is because of this that I am glad our world is without OBL tonight!

Yes, I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus, and I do mourn the fact that OBL never got to experience the love and grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. However, as a Christian I have to reconcile, what seems to be, two different Gods of the Bible. The Old Testament is full of God sending out His armies to destroy the ungodly. In fact, the whole book of Joshua is about God's people conquering the land He promised them, and they did this through military might...by killing and destroying the people living in that land. The New Testament is the exact opposite of this, though. Jesus teaches about turning the other cheek, loving your neighbors as yourself, and giving everyone grace and mercy. They aren't two different Gods, though. The God of the Old Testament is the same God of the New Testament, so you have to reconcile the two. You have to because you can't pick and choose parts of the Bible...it's all or nothing.

I am not claiming to be an expert on this reconciling the two...in fact I'm far from it. What I do know is God will use His people for various reasons to accomplish His plan. If He can use someone to bring others to realize His love and mercy; if He can use someone to give an encouraging word or action to a friend, then He can certainly use His people to carry out His justice. And that's what this is. Justice being carried out. If God can punish the Israelites and cause the Earth to open and swallow some of them up, then He can surely bring death to the man who has caused so much of it around the world.

So, yes, I am a Christian, and I'm glad OBL is gone.

God bless our troops and bring them home soon!

God bless the Navy SEALs!

God bless America!

WWJD

2011-04-28T09:51:00.004-05:00

For most Christians WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) brings back memories of those cloth bracelets that became all the rage back in the late 90s (yes, the 90s!), but despite the over use of the phrase it really is a good question...one I feel all Christians should ask themselves. I have been thinking about this off and on since the semester began, and as I was trying to take a nap yesterday I decided to get my thoughts organized and out there.

The issue of me having problems with my church is no secret. I mentioned it in an earlier blog, although I can't find it at the moment, and since then I really haven't done anything about it. I have thought about finding a different church, it was suggested I continue to serve at my church but go to a Sunday service or something like that, and then it was suggested I just suck it up and stay right where I am. However, one of the reasons I am having issues with going to a service is because I am desiring a more "real" version of the Christian faith.

Going through early American History has really made me realize a lot of things about the Americanized version of Christianity. A lot of the things taught to us as Christians are things that surfaced during the several different revivals in early American history, such as the whole drinking (BTW, that's why we serve grape juice in communion now) and dancing issues with several churches in the south. In order to get people into the churches, the preachers would change minor beliefs to draw more people into their congregation. They didn't want to be left in the dark as society changed, so they changed their beliefs to fit society. It's a little disheartening isn't it? Anyway, so this whole thing got me wanting a more "real" version of the Christian faith and wanting to attend a church like that.

From this I started to think about what a "real" version of the Christian faith would look like, and this is how I came to the WWJD question. To me the answer to that would be the real version of Christianity. This got me thinking about people...all kinds of people really. I think one of the things that really bothers me about Christianity today are the people who openly condemn those who commit "major" sins. Pastors are preaching hate and condemnation from the pulpit about certain types of people, and the people of the congregation are going along with it and spouting hate and condemnation throughout the week. Is this really what Jesus did? As far as I can tell, Jesus didn't spout hate for the political leaders of his time. He didn't preach hate against the sinners and tax collectors and prostitutes of his time. In fact, he hung out with these people! He ate dinner with them and invited himself over to their houses, which in Hebraic culture is a really big deal. He invited them to come and follow him. When faced with a sinner, he said "Your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more." The only people he really condemned and yelled at were the religious leaders of his time, the Pharisees, who did preach hate and condemnation on those types of people. Sounds like times haven't changed much...

I want a church that follows Jesus like that. I want a church that teaches about his love and acceptance and what he did for everyone; not a church that spews hate and tears people down for things they may be struggling with. I want a church that really asks WWJD and actually does what Jesus taught.

Vision Statement

2011-04-15T23:30:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty much done with one of the best and most rewarding school projects I've ever done. It's for my Intro to Nursing class, and it's my Nursing Portfolio project. It touches on a lot of different aspects about myself, about my future career as a nurse, and about the university. Some of the things were pretty challenging, they really made you think, and others were just simple things but still fun. It was challenging, but as I was finishing it up today I realized it was also rewarding.

One of things I had to do was create my own vision statement. I saved this one for last because I knew it wasn't going to be easy. So, today I chose to do it, and I realized it was emotionally harder than I ever expected it to be. Today, a kid I kind-of-sort-of knew from high school was buried in the DFW National Cemetery. He was 26, graduated the year after I did from Martin High, and was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan. It hits just a little too close to home when someone your age dies like that. On top of that, a dear friend and huge influence on my life while I was at Oklahoma Baptist University died on Wednesday and will be buried tomorrow. The last wisdom she gave to everyone just a couple of days before she died was to live. Just live. Live the life God has planned for you. I kept thinking of these people as I was writing my vision statement, and I'll be honest and admit to getting choked up while writing it. It just makes you evaluate your life, and it made me realize the things I cherish and how I need to get back on that path towards those things. Anyway, I wanted to share it with you. It's not the most profound thing I've ever written, but it sure is something I am dang proud of.

When my time on this earth is coming to an end I will have lived a life of no regrets. A life where my love for God was seen in everything I did. I will accomplish this by living out each and every one of these statements:

I will live the values of honesty, loyalty, integrity, compassion, and forgiveness throughout my life.
I will forgive myself when I mess up and do not live up to these values, but I will continue to live them.
I will love God with everything that I am.
I will proclaim His message everyday of my life and in everything I say and do.
I will unconditionally love my family and my friends.
I will always make time and will always be there for my family and friends.
I will make a real difference in someone else’s life.
I will treat others how I want to be treated by remembering they have real hurts and joys, too.
I will always have a dog in my life because they make me happy and supposedly make you live longer.
I will travel to Italy and Greece and partake of so, so, so, so much great food and good wine.
I will live some place other than the Continental United States for a period of time.
I will not just learn, but know how to surf.
I WILL live my life to fullest.

Bored

2011-04-12T18:33:00.002-05:00

I'm so bored right now. I'm sitting in my Cellular Biology class, and I am bored. He lectures from the slides...I mean he says exactly what's on the slides, so there's no use in paying attention. So on this lovely day I will write.

Oh, and just so you know, I was right about the whole not being able to grow anything. I can't even grow something that's full of Miracle Grow! Not so miraculous to me...it's no even worth taking a picture.

Today is a "special" day in my life. A year ago I was hit by a semi! At the time it was kind of the icing on the cake for me. One of those "alright what else could go wrong because everything else has!" moments. Little did I know there would be something else just a couple of months later, but I'll get to that in a second. I really can't get into any specifics in such a public space because it's in the process of being settled. Let's just say there's a treatment I need, and I'm hoping I'll get it before the 2 year anniversary.

As for my back, which turned out to be the real icing on the cake, I got some pretty good news today! They are going to try a discogram to see if the problem is coming from the disc or from the nerve. What they do is stick a needle into both discs, inject some dye, and then I have to tell them if the pain is aggravated. They can also do a C-Scan to see if there is any damage to the disc. Unfortunately, it's a pretty painful procedure, but once we know where the pain is coming from it'll be easier to determine a plan of treatment. Another procedure they want to do is a disc decompression, but it's not with the decompression machine. They'll stick a needle into the discs and remove a part of the inside of the discs hopefully relieving the pressure on the nerve. Either way I'm gonna be in pain, but hopefully these are some major steps on the way to full recovery.

Needless to say, I'm so ready to be done with all of this. I'm tired of taking all these meds, and I'm more tired of being in pain and not being able to do anything I want to.

Well, that's the end of class! 'Til next time!

I have a black thumb

2011-03-06T23:20:00.005-06:00

My first project since I've been at UTA is due tomorrow, and I thought I would share this whole story with you...cause it's pretty funny!

So, my Intro to Nursing class has me do this Initiative Project. UTA has these for different Initiatives for their campus, and one of them is "Go Green!" For my project, I have to pick an initiative and then come up with a project that goes along with that initiative. I picked "Go Green" cause one of the projects was grow a garden...so I piggy-backed on my dad's garden of potatoes and onions and used it for my project. I've been taking pictures and measuring the heights of these onion plants for the past 5 weeks. The interesting part is I have a black thumb. I knew by choosing this project I was dooming my dad's garden. I was hoping, though, by piggy-backing on his green thumb it would be OK.

And how do I know I have a black thumb? Well, my sophomore year in college I was given a bean to grow. I got it from a college Sunday School class, but I don't remember the representation of growing the bean plant. Anyway, think Elementary school science project...black dirt, Styrofoam cup, and a bean. Easy, right? Wrong! I put it in the sun and watered it, and the dang bean never grew! I kept watering the dirt, and nothing ever grew! So, I dug the bean up to make sure there was even a bean, and sure enough the bean was there and it hadn't even cracked...and this is after 3 weeks of watering dirt. I threw it away frustrated I couldn't grow a stupid bean plant.

Second experiment in growing things in college happened the next year. Right before classes started I had to go to an Officer's Retreat for Phi Lamb, and the theme for the week was "Grow Where You're Planted." And guess what we got at the end of the retreat?! That's right, a pot, some dirt, and a package of wild flower seeds. Wild flowers are some of the easiest flowers to grow, right? Wrong, again! I put the dirt in the pot, buried the seeds, watered it, and stuck it in the sun according to the directions on the package. And guess what happened...that's right, NOTHING! I thought it wasn't getting enough sun, so I stuck the pot outside thinking this would help. Nothing, again...not even stupid grass that blew in there and grew instead! After two months I still had a pot of dirt, and my fellow Phi Lamb officers had pretty wild flowers. After this I decided I suck at growing stuff...I have a black thumb.

So, back to the present...

Guess what happens the week the garden is planted? We get that really bad ice and snow storm that shuts down the DFW area for 4 days! My dad tells me, it'll be OK, the onions and potatoes can handle it. Week 3 of the project I walk out there to measure the onions and notice they're all brown and dead. Dad officially calls most of the onions dead soon there after, and guess what...the black thumb lives on!

Last week at church, I'm telling this whole story to a friend of mine, and she decides she's going to help me overcome this black thumb. This past Wednesday this lovely friend of mine hands me an egg, and says this is basically full-proof. You crack the top of the egg, water it, put it in the sun, and watch Snap Dragons grow out of the egg. Everything is in there, and according to her, there's so much Miracle Grow in there it shouldn't die! On Friday I crack the egg and loose some dirt in the process, and then as I'm watering it I mis-judged how fast the water was coming out of the faucet and loose some more dirt in the process. I'm off to a great start! Anyway, I took a picture of it, and I'll continue to take a picture every week to either document my black thumb turning green...or to officially declare myself the "Plant Killer."

Good luck little Snap Dragon! You're gonna need it!

Gov'ment

2011-03-01T15:24:00.003-06:00

I usually don't like to blog about politics, and that's mostly because usually I have no idea what's going on. But, I must say since taking Federal Government here at UTA, I feel incredibly smart (ha!) because I feel as if I know what's going on...unlike, say high school, when one, I couldn't understand the teacher, and "b", I didn't care.

So, today in class we talked about this wonderful thing called "filibustering." I do remember this from high school because the teacher said Senators will get up there and read out of the phone book just to keep talking. What I didn't know, though, was when a Senator filibusters the goal is to stop certain legislation, and that there is a motion called a cloture motion that will stop the filibustering. The catch is 60 Senators have to agree on the motion, so like everything else in politics it falls into a division between parties.

This is what's interesting. When Ted Kennedy died the Democrats no longer had 60 Senators in order to stop a Republican filibuster, and about the same time he died Obama's Health Care Plan was headed into the Senate. So my question was, why didn't the Republicans, who were against his Health Care Plan, filibuster and just stop the legislation? The Democrats couldn't call for a cloture motion, so why didn't this happen? As it turns out, Obama talked a couple of Republicans into changing sides about his Health Care Plan, so when a cloture motion was called 60 Senators would agree and it would stop the Republican filibuster and legislation about the Health Care Plan could move through the Senate.

I will say upfront, I'm for health care reform, but I don't agree with Obama's health care reform. I just thought it was interesting that Republican Senators were talked into changing sides so the filibuster could stop, and now everyday American citizen Republicans (including me!) are complaining about Obama's Health Care Plan when it was the very Republicans they elected who allowed the legislation to get through the Senate.

Just a thought!

A little randomness in my life

2011-02-27T23:10:00.003-06:00

There really is nothing going on in my life right now that is blog worthy, but I was inspired to write a little after taking a trip down memory lane...which I will get to presently:

The plan for tonight was to get officially caught up on all the reading I'm behind on for school, but I started looking through old documents in a folder on my computer called "Cool Stuff." In it I found some really good quotes, which I'm thinking about sharing with everyone on here at a later date, a couple of poems I wrote at an apparently very dark time in my life (kind of scary actually!), and a journal from a fellow China traveler from the last time I went. Reading through this is what actually inspired me to get on here and write some. I forget the impact that trip had on me, but all was renewed as a read through the trip through someone else's eyes. It helped to remember some things I had completely forgotten about, and it was altogether just a fabulous time of walking down memory lane. I loved it.

It's funny...one of the things we talked about as a group before returning to the States was trying to explain to people how this trip affected you. 5 years later, and it's still hard to explain. It's amazing to think of all the people that trip has affected. A good friend of mine from the first trip has based her entire career on the Uigher culture. A handful of friends are missionary's because of that trip. And everyone has a deeper appreciation for a different culture. It's trite, but true...it really was life changing.

As I write this I am listening to Josh Turner. He's a country singer. If that's not random I don't know what is!

My weekend has been inundated with reading about Early American History, as well as a good mix of shooting Nazis on a computer game and reading about Critical Thinking in nursing. I still have Government, Biology, and Developmental Psych to get to, but there's always tomorrow, right!?! Ahh...the life of a life long procrastinator!

I also gave serious thought about returning to OBU to get my nursing degree this weekend. I hate UTA. The nursing school is good, yes, and the faculty are awesome and very helpful. It's just not the same, though. I hate having over 150 students in a class. I hate that the professor doesn't know me...weird, right? I hate that I'm being forced by my Intro to Nursing class to "Become a Maverick" when I've pretty much set out to not become a Maverick. I bleed green and gold and will forever and always be an OBU Bison! All Hail OBU! : ) No, but seriously, if I could find an inexpensive place to live as well as a job to pay for said inexpensive place to live, I'm sure I would be moving back up to Shawnee to get a second degree in nursing. If nothing else most of the pre-reqs are taken of!!! I feel as if I'm betraying one of my best friends by going to UTA...

I found out today one of my best friends, actually she could be considered the bestest best friend because were friends from high school...it's an old friendship...ANYWAY, I found out Liesl Edwards will not be making her way up to Ft. Worth for an internship. : ( BUT, the next best thing has happened! She will be moving from Houston to Austin, and will be, hopefully, getting her own place. This means I can take a 4 hour road trip to Austin, which I love!, and I could stay for a night or two! Plans to go to The Saltlick are already in the making, and it would be awesome to go to some sort of Texas/Baylor competitive thing! We'll see! I'm just excited that for the first time in a while, we will only be 4 hours apart! This makes it much easier to road trip. Also, plans are in the making for a trip to Hawaii together. Apparently, my pictures, stories, and her watching a video on the formation of the islands have influenced her enough to say, "We ARE going soon!" Hahaha! This makes me smile!

Mom and I went to Half Price Books this weekend...dangerous for me. I walked away with two books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Phantom of the Opera. This is getting added to my stack of must reads, which I have NO IDEA when I will be getting to now that I'm in school again. I'm currently half-way through The Three Musketeers. Waiting are Son of Witch, Little Women, the first two books of the Harry Potter series, and the entire series of The Chronicles of Narnia...not to mention the two I just bought. Good thing Spring Break is coming up, and as of yet, no plans!

FYI, things on my back and neck are finally moving along, which is good since it will be a year for my neck injury in April. No exact details yet, but things are in the works, which is good. I'm tired of taking medicine, I'm tired of hurting all the time, and I'm tired I can't do anything I want to do...like go to Six Flags and play competitive kickball (yes, I'm serious!).

Other than that, life is good right now! It has been so long since I have felt content and happy and satisfied, that I almost forgot what it felt like. I'm living it right now and have been for awhile, which is even better. I'm happy with my life, and my smile runs deeper than just my face...which is always good!

Love you all!

Day 30

2011-02-08T00:43:00.002-06:00

Day 30: Who are you?

I am a follower of Jesus who messes up a lot, but thank goodness I'm saved by His blood!

I am a daughter, sister (young and old), niece, grand-daughter, and biologically, an aunt.

I am a dishwater natural blonde, but a red head at heart.

I am a friend to some amazing friends!

I am the mother to a way too cute miniature schnauzer.

I am a student...again!

I am a simple girl.

I am an athletic girl.

I am a band nerd.

I am a music lover.

I am a sports lover.

I am a movie lover.

I am a Netflix addict.

I am a big kid at heart.

Simply, I AM ME!

Day 29

2011-02-06T15:26:00.002-06:00

Day 29: In this past month what have you learned

I think I've said this countless times by now, but I've learned I really miss writing.

I've learned I need to take some time for myself to sit down and process things through the written word, no matter what is going on around me.

I've learned I have some of the best friends in the world!

I've learned blogging doesn't have to be all serious, all the time.

I've learned just how far I've come in the past year.

I've learned that even though I think I did all of this growing in the past year on my own, I really had nothing to do with it. It was all God.

I've learned I miss being in a corporate worship service, but I don't necessarily like the one I've been half-attending. Something must be done about this.

I've learned there are more people out there who read this then I initially realized.

I've learned no matter what I've done or did, God still loves me and He still directs my paths.

I've learned now I have to come up with topics of my own to blog about after tomorrow! : )

Day 28

2011-02-05T23:15:00.003-06:00

Day 28: A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Last year at the Singles Superbowl party

This past Christmas in Arizona with the cuz!

How have I changed? How have I NOT changed!! Physically, I have straighter teeth now, and I've gained all of those 15 lbs back! Funny thing is the hair color is about the same, but that's not my natural color! Ha!

Other than that, I'm in such a better place now than I was back then! I was so unhappy and lost. I put on a smile for everyone, but not very far below the surface I was so...not me. My doctors knew it, and it took me a long time to admit to it, but I was very depressed back then. No thoughts of suicide or anything like that, and I refused to take any meds for it...for one thing I didn't think I was depressed. I was just in a deep, dark and sad place in my life. I know why, and like yesterday's post said it was pretty complicated...very layered reason.

It's hard for me, now, to believe I was there in that place, especially since it was this time last year. However, I do remember that day being a turning point for me. The fact I was at that party with a friend made me realize everything was going to be OK. I knew after that night I was going to find my feet again. I was going to bring back the joy in my life, and it was going to be 100 times better than it ever was before!

Wow...PTL!

Day 27

2011-02-04T21:24:00.002-06:00

Day 27: Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

I needed to get back to blogging. I was really good at journaling during my senior year of high school when I was first handed a bound book of paper and told to write. When I started actually blogging in college I was pretty good at it, and kept up with it for the most part after college. I knew my family out in Arizona read it, if no one else did, and I knew that's how they kept up with me. It was just another outlet for me to write. Between writing in my journal and blogging I had an excellent outlet for stress and anxiety and happiness and just about ever other emotion under the sun. It was great!

And then I got distracted. Honestly, it was a little more complicated than that, but in order to simplify it into one short phrase, "I got distracted" is the best possible way to express what I went through. It wasn't just one thing. It was a combination of things. Somethings I had no control over whatsoever. Somethings I did have control over and refused to even acknowledge its presence. And then there were somethings I look back and wonder, "What the hell was that all about?" I let a void open up in my life, but instead of filling it with the truth and love of God I filled it with the things of this earth. It's not the first time that's happened, but usually when it does happen a little journaling or a little blogging will help put my mind back into focus and get things right again. But like I said, I got distracted. There was no journaling...there was no blogging...beyond the "here's what I've been doing lately" fluff stuff.

So, when 2010 finally ended and 2011 began I knew a change was in order. Everything else had changed. I quit my old job at the warehouse, I decided to start nursing school and actually went through with it, and I was beginning to take the first steps toward putting myself back on that path of righteousness. And what better way to help with those steps, then going back to the very thing that helped me so many years ago...writing.

Day 26

2011-02-03T17:30:00.002-06:00

Day 26: What you think about your friends

I LOVE THEM!!!

They are awesome, and the best friends anyone could ask for! I mean, really?! There aren't a lot of people who could put up with me and the crap I've been through...or done to them...and still love me on the other side of it!

So, to the one's who have stuck around...YOU ARE AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU!!! I hope and pray that I will always be there for you like you have been there for me!

Day 25

2011-02-02T19:29:00.003-06:00

Day 25: What I would find in your bag

I'm assuming this is supposed to be what you would find in my bag, but whatev! This is hard because I don't carry a bag, and by bag I bet you mean purse. Actually, this is funny because I was just discussing with a friend of mine how I think I would like to buy a purse finally. I know what I want too, and I'm wishing I would have bought it when I saw it but I wasn't there just yet. It's a military style messenger bag purse. It's not overly huge or small...it's just right. I saw them at Macy's when I was in Hawaii visiting a friend, and I stopped and looked and decided in my head I could own a purse like that one day. Well, one day has arrived, and I can't find the purse anymore.

Anyway, the discussion I was having with my friend about said wanted purse continued to the "What would I carry in my new purse?" Considering it is me, at first I thought it would be simple, and there wouldn't be much in there. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how nice it would be to have all that stuff in there. So, here follows a list of what could possibly be found in my hypothetical purse:

My wallet
My cell phone (would need a special pocket to protect the screen)
My keys
Chapstick
Tampons (I know it's gross to guys, but hey, every girl has 'em!)
Nail clippers (so I'll stop ruining my nice, new straight teeth)
A pen
Probably my iTouch w/headphones
And if there's enough room, a book (hey, it is a messenger bag for crying out loud!)

See, nothing extraordinarily special! Still simple...just like me!

PS. I've been cooped up in the house for the past two days, and I just found out school is cancelled tomorrow. Three days in a row of being stuck in the house!!! I'm going nuts! (Hence the longer than usual and sometimes rambling nature of this post.)

Day 24

2011-02-01T19:18:00.002-06:00

Day 24: A letter to your parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I don't think I can ever say thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You have supported me in the best of times and in the worst of times. You have loved me no matter what I've done, although you may not have liked me in that moment. You have put up with me for longer than you are supposed to and for that I really do appreciate it. Your patience is like none other, and it only makes me want to strive to have that patience as well. You've laughed with me, celebrated with me, cried with me, held me when I couldn't stand on my own. You two exhibit a perfect example of grace, love, and forgiveness for me. I couldn't ask for better parents, even though I may have wished for different ones at times.

I love you guys!

Day 23

2011-01-31T22:46:00.002-06:00

Day 23: Something you crave for a lot

I crave sweets...A LOT!!! I have a fairly large sweet tooth, and it is a rare occasion when I turn down something sweet. Actually, I should be more specific here, it's a rare occasion when I turn down candy. I can turn down a piece of cake or ice cream or pudding (unless it's a Snack Pack), but I have the hardest time turning down candy.

Yes, I am the typical girl who craves chocolate at certain times of the month, but I also crave it every other time of the month! You put a piece of Godiva or Dove chocolate in front of me, and it won't be there for very long!

Then I'll go on these fruity candy kicks. It's like the craving for chocolate during certain times of the month, but it's for fruity candy and it can be any time of the month. The easiest way to remedy this is are Chewy Mini Sweetarts or Skittles, but any type of fruity candy will do.

Oh yeah, and Mountain Dew. Love that stuff! In fact, my parents think that's what caused my kidney stones. I disagree. It was too much dairy products and leafy green vegetables. Ha!

Day 22

2011-01-30T23:12:00.002-06:00

Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else

This could take forever! Hahaha!

I've come to realize that even though God created every single one of us as a unique person, there is nothing extremely unique about anyone of us. Scientifically, yes, I am the only one. My DNA and genes and how that all lines up is completely different and unique than anyone else on this planet. But everything else isn't that unique. I'm not the only extremely stubborn person on this planet. I'm not the only biggest kid at heart. I'm not the only athletic girl. I'm not the only girl who is tough and rough on the outside but a giant teddy bear on the inside...there maybe few of us like this but I'm not the only one! I'm not the only one to suffer from any of the health issues I've had. I'm not the only who's lost her sister. I'm not the only one who struggles with what I struggle with, which is comforting! I'm not the only one named Christine Chapman...in fact, that is a very common name!

What's cool, though, is even though I'm made up of all these not so unique things or personality traits or struggles, how they all come together makes me unique! And I am one of a kind!

Day 20 and 21

2011-01-29T23:18:00.003-06:00

Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Hahahahahaha!!!! If I knew that I'd already be with him!

"My list" is pretty simple, though. He must be a strong follower of Jesus, make me laugh, love me for who I am, not really care about my past, and be able to handle me! Haha!

Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy

My puppy Ella! This is an older picture of her.

And of course, this little guy:

Now who couldn't love a face like that?!?!

Day 18 and 19

2011-01-27T10:54:00.003-06:00

Day 18: Plans/dreams/goals you have

I could totally do the whole "Where do you want to be in 5 years?" crap, but I had to do that a lot at my last job. As of right now, and I say this because my goals and dreams tend to change like the winds, my goal is to get into UTA's nursing school and pass. My goal is to become a RN, and then take my degree and travel. I've lived in a grand total of 3 states my entire life, which is pretty sad considering I'm a Navy brat. I want to live in different places, like Hawaii, Alaska or Montana. A dream of mine that falls in with this whole traveling bug is becoming a part of Mercy Ships. They are an organization that travels around on a big ship/floating hospital. They park themselves outside of third world countries, tell people they are there, and then let people on the ship and take care of their health needs. They had a ship parked off of Haiti right after the earthquake. This would be awesome! This is exactly what I was wanting to do by going back to school to get a second degree...being able to pair my first one, ministry, with the new one, nursing.

Beyond that I have no other plans or dreams or goals. I've learned that making plans way ahead of time is pretty much useless. Everything changes and nothing seems to happen if you do that, and then you feel like a failure because you haven't accomplished what you planned to because of things that, more than likely, were completely out of your hands.

Day 19: Nicknames you have; why do you have them

I have three nicknames, which is pretty cool I think!

The first one I ever received was Little-Bit, which was promptly shortened to Lil'-Bit. I was given this nickname in Girl Scouts. When you go to a Girl Scout summer camp, you have to have a camp name. You are called this name the entire time you are there, and there are times where no one knows your real name...they only know you by your camp name. At one point in time, my mom was a co-director for a Girl Scout camp, so I went up early with her and stayed the whole summer. I helped the first group who came in by telling them where the different camp sites where and stuff, so I didn't have a tent to stay in by the time everyone else was settled. I was placed in an older girls tent that had an extra bed. So here I was a Brownie, which is roughly 10 years old or so, sleeping in the same tent as a bunch of Cadets, which is roughly 13-15 years old. I was much, much shorter and smaller than them, hence the name Lil'-Bit.

The second nickname I have I obtained in elementary school on the kickball field. I was in 4th grade, and at that time kickball was THE thing. My fellow classmates came up with a rhyming nickname for everyone to yell to encourage them, and the only thing that pretty much rhymes with Christine is Listerine. I loved it! It went dormant for awhile, but now it's back thanks to KidStuff at church.

The third nickname I obtained was given to me in high school, and really only one person calls me this anymore. One day at lunch I "accidentally" called my best-friend a goober. I then went on to explain that we called my dog this because she was goofy and weird. Apparently, I was mixed up about who should actually be called this because from then on she called me Goober. She is the only one who calls me Goober, and it's one of those nicknames that only those really, really close to me will be allowed to call me that.

Day 17

2011-01-25T15:21:00.002-06:00

Day 17: Some one you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

This one is tough. No one specific person really comes to mind. I mean there is the ever popular rich person, whoever that might be. It would be fun to be "rich" for a day. To be waited on hand and foot. To have absolutely nothing to do but lay around the pool all day long. I think I would be nice that day and pay off some one's student loans...mainly mine. Ha!

I thought about the President, too, but I don't want that responsibility even just for a day!

I also thought about one of the people who hurt me just to see what was going on in their head, but then this was just pertaining to some one's life and not necessarily their thoughts.

I don't know. Even though I often wonder where my life is going and why God has taken me on the path that He has, I'm happy with my life for the most part. I wouldn't necessarily want to switch with someone. I do wonder what my life would be like if I had made different decisions at certain times in my life. For instance, what if I had decided to adopt Kaleb right after Penny died? Or, what if I had decided to live for the World Race anyway? Now that would interesting to see!

Day 15 and 16

2011-01-24T11:46:00.003-06:00

Day 15: Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

1. "dirty second hands" by Switchfoot, Oh Gravity album

2. "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life" by Stacie Orrico, WOW Hits 2005 album

3. "As Fast As I Could" by Josh Turner, Haywire album...one of my favs!

4. "Dalit Hymn" by Caedmon's Call, Share the Well album

5. "Spider Webs" by No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom album

6. "Let's Face the Music and Dance" by Ella Fitzgerald, Music and Moonlight album

7. "The Meaning of Life" by Hawk Nelson, WOW Hits 2010

8. "Summer Time" by Will Smith, Summer Girls Mix

9. "Abra Cadabra" by Talib Kweli, Stick It album

10. "The Man I Love" by Ella Fitzgerald, Music and Moonlight album

Day 16: Another picture of yourself

Hahaha! One of my favorites!

Day 14

2011-01-22T23:14:00.003-06:00

Day 14: A picture of you and your family

This is sooo easy! We just took one while we were out in Arizona for Christmas!

Ok, so it is my mom's side of the family and we're missing my brother and cousin...but it'll work! From left to right, starting on the couch: Grandpa Charlie, Grandma, Aunt Jeanenne, Kaleb, Mom...and on the floor: Dad, me, and Aunt Gay.

Day 13

2011-01-21T23:01:00.002-06:00

Day 13: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear You,

There are always two sides to every story, so if we're honest with ourselves we can both say we hurt each other. I've often asked God as to why He would allow something like this to happen, and the only answer I can come up with is to grow.

I've done a lot of growing. I've changed in a lot of ways, and I'm thankful to say I did not resort to my normal procedure of building up thicker walls to block out any future pain. I realized a long time ago by doing so, I keep people out. People who I could come to love and care about. People who could love and care about me. I'm tired of keeping people out. I did it for so many years, and I wonder at the friendships and relationships I missed out on because of past hurts in my life. So instead, with this hurt, I'm using it to grow. I'm using it to become a better and stronger woman of God. My only fear is that you have not learned a thing. That you will continue to go about your life living the same way you always have completely unaware of what you are doing to yourself and what you have/are doing to those around you.

It's odd to sit here and say thank you for what you did to me, but I know I could not have become the person I am today without the crap I went through with you. Yes, my life was shattered for awhile afterwards, but with every new sunrise there was new strength and a new realization of the person God is turning me into. I learned so many things thanks to you. I learned what true forgiveness is. I learned how to love completely. I learned what it means to be a true sister in Christ. I've learned to be a better Christian...to be more like Jesus. And with that, I say thank you.

I pray you have a good life. I pray you have the life you always wanted. But more than anything, I pray you will learn and become the person God wants you to be. That you will only strive to meet the expectations of our Lord and not of anyone else around you.

God be with you.

Day 12

2011-01-20T11:01:00.004-06:00

Day 12: How did you find out about Tumblr and why you made one

Obviously I don't have a Tumblr account...yeah for Blogger!

I started out on Xanga my senior year in college. It was one of those things where everyone else was doing it, so I thought I should start. I didn't realize it would be a great way for family and friends, and sometimes enemies, to keep track of me. I blogged a lot in the beginning, and a lot of it was stupid stuff. I stuck my foot in my mouth sometimes, which was no fun, and around the time my sister died, I upset people I didn't even know! That was fun! Hahaha! After that I started blogging about general things, and that's about the same time I started falling behind. I guess if I couldn't talk about interesting things and upset people then what was the point, right? I've grown up some since then, and realized it was more about my family and friends keeping in touch with me than anything else.

I took a little break from Xanga for awhile pretty much after my sister died. Then one day I got an email saying I had a comment on some post. It was from a friend of mine asking me why in the world I was still on Xanga. I needed to get a grown up blog! So, here I am! I don't know what makes Blogger a grown up blog, but there are a lot of people on here I know so I figured what the heck.

Day 11

2011-01-19T22:18:00.003-06:00

Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends

I'm gonna go a little old school on these...

This picture makes me laugh every time I see it! Elise and I at a birthday party during our first trip to China.

Liesl, Kaleb, and I during my last Spring Break at OBU...for once we just happened to have it at the same time.

Lauren and I at Hanging of the Green my Senior year at OBU...I got to hang the green that's why I'm dressed up. She was the best roommate ever cause she put up with me!

The Monday Night Gang. I miss them!!!

And of course, The Gang here in Texas at Camp GAP...our most favorite time of the year! It was a Carnival theme for the party...just go with it!

Day 10

2011-01-18T22:32:00.002-06:00

Day 10: Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

I'm going to change this up a little. I don't really listen to one particular song when I'm any of these emotions...I listen to a playlist! My life revolves around playlists! I love that I can have all this different music and listen to it at once without having to go and find the album in iTunes.

Happy: I listen to my Glee playlist. I have the first three albums that they made last year. It always makes my good mood last just a tad bit longer!

Sad: This is about half and half between my Worship playlist and my Jazz playlist. It kind of depends on what kind of sad I'm feeling. If I really am sad, I do worship, which is mainly WOW albums and some other worship from different church bands. If I'm depressed, jazz it is! That ranges from Charlie Park, Duke Ellington, Sinatra, and of course my fav lady, Ella Fitzgerald.

Bored: This has to be my Mixes playlist. I listened to this a lot when I was working in the warehouse, cause I was bored all the dang time! This is every random mix I have either made or gotten from someone else. I have everything from country to rap to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." Yes, I do have the Titanic song, but only because someone thought it would be funny to put it on a cd they were burning me! Anyway, this playlist is fantastic when I'm bored because I'll hit shuffle and just let it play. It's completely random!

Hyped: When I'm in this mood I'm usually working out, and for that the one and only Toby Mac does it for me. However, Reliant K is also fabulous, although I have to skip the mellow songs they put on their albums, and old school P.O.D. is also fabulous! That brings back memories of rolling the windows down and blaring the music as I was leaving high school...

Mad: There's only one album I listen to when I'm mad, and I created it for this specific reason. It's actually in my Mixes playlist, but it's my Angry Chick Mix I made for myself when I was in college. A good friend and I had a falling out during my sophomore year at college, but I have no idea what happened. She just stopped talking to me one day, so I channeled all of that frustration into an Angry Chick Mix. It has everything from "Fighter" to "I'm a Bitch" to "Beautiful." It's amazing!

Day 09

2011-01-17T21:53:00.002-06:00

Day 09: Something you're proud of in the past few days

This may sound really silly, but I'm very proud of how I've handled my competitive edge when it comes to basketball! You see, I'm coaching 4th-6th grade girls Upward basketball at my church, and I absolutely love it! It is so fun to be able to pass along the love for this sport, and to do it in a way that's encouraging to the girls and Christ honoring as well. But, because I love this sport so much and played it for so long I am very competitive! I'll be honest, too, I hate to loose! I know Upward isn't about who wins or looses, but with this sport I've had to control that part of me to make sure the girls understand no matter what I'm still proud of them. The past couple of weeks when I get frustrated I've noticed I have an urge to slip into the ways of my old coaches...you know, punish them for slacking off, yell at them when they don't do what I ask them to, make them run every time they miss a shot, etc. I've been able to control it, though, which is a huge accomplishment for me! I am correcting them, and I may push them a little harder then some other Upward coaches, but I am making a real effort to be encouraging and to use positive reinforcement.

Day 08

2011-01-16T23:36:00.002-06:00

Day 08: Short term goals for this month and why

There's only 3, and I'm really hoping to accomplish all 3 in the next 30 days.

First, I would like to have a successful transition back into being a full-time student on a large, state campus. UTA and TCC are so different from my experience at OBU, and I haven't even gone to class yet! I'm sure I'll be in culture shock as I sit in a classroom with 500 students and realize my graduating class at OBU was less than 200.

Second, I would like to find a part-time job that is flexible with my hours and where I can make roughly $400 a month. And at this point, I'm willing to take almost anything!

Third, I would like to start running again. Running is such a great way to relieve my stress level, and with the season of life I'm entering there will be stress. I also need to get my body strong again. Since I hurt my back at work I haven't really done anything active, and I can feel my body getting weaker and weaker by the day. Besides my whole body, my back definitely needs the strengthening to help it heal...I just can't push myself too much.

Day 07

2011-01-15T23:06:00.003-06:00

Day 07: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I'm assuming the grammar is wrong in the title, and that it's supposed to be "has had" the biggest impact on you. In actuality, though, this person continues to have the biggest impact on me. This was also another difficult one to narrow down. My family has had a VERY large impact on my life, as well as all of my dear friends pictured in a previous post. However, when I recall a lot of the circumstances and events that have had the largest impact on my life, one person comes to mind who was/is always there in the background (and a lot of times in the foreground as well). And she may hate me for this...she is my mentor and dear friend, Wendy Smith.

I met her through a mutual friend my senior year in high school. Our mutual friend and I spent the night at her house one night, Wendy and I went for a walk the next day in the mist, and the rest is history! She has helped me, and most times pushed me, through some of the most difficult things I've had to deal with in my life. If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I would be today. She didn't pull me out of a nasty pit, she jumped in with me and showed me how to get out. She showed me a new and different, and correct, side of my Jesus I had never really known previously. Through all the seasons of my life and hers, she's always been there for me and continues to be there for me. She challenges me to be a better person, she pushes me to face things I don't want to, and she's my example of the "grown-up" Christian I desire to be.

Thank you Wendy Smith!!!

Day 06

2011-01-14T23:14:00.002-06:00

Day 06: Favorite superhero and why

Hands down, it's Batman. I'm not entirely sure why, though. Batman doesn't have any cool, superhero powers that were just given to him, like Superman. All of Batman's "powers" either come from his years of training or his really cool gadgets he's come up with.

Maybe that's why I like him so much. He wasn't born with cool powers or anything like that. He had a pretty horrible childhood, what with his parents being shot in front of him and all. And instead of going all nuts and turning into a bad guy, he trained himself and put his smarts to work. He works with his natural abilities and talents and goes out every night and rids this world of evil villains.

That, and he wears all black, has super cool gadgets, and drives a REALLY cool car!!!

Day 05

2011-01-13T16:54:00.003-06:00

Day 05: A picture of somewhere I've been to

This is not fair at all!!! So my three favorite places in the world (so far):

Paris at night (not my pic...I don't have my Europe pics on my computer)

Northwestern China - Xinjiang Province

And of course, on ANY beach in Hawaii!!!

Day 04

2011-01-13T00:07:00.002-06:00

Day 04: A habit that you wish you didn't have

I chew the inside of my cheek.

I chew it enough that the lining in my mouth or extra skin or dead skin or whatever it's called comes off. Yes, I know it's gross, but I can't stop myself! It used to be a nervous habit, and now it's just an annoying habit that I can't stop. I thought maybe having Invisalign braces would help, but it didn't. I found a way to still do it with them on, and as soon as I finished my braces I chewed on my cheek for days straight...no lie!

One dentist has told me I need to stop. A friend told me I can get mouth cancer from it. But...then I've also had one current dentist and one orthodontist tell me it's fine. There are worse habits is what they said.

Ugh...

Day 03

2011-01-11T17:52:00.004-06:00

Day 03: A Recent Picture of You and Your Friends

Ok, I don't have one picture with all of my friends, so here are a few...

Courtney and I at Madera Canyon in Tucson

Liesl and I in Kansas awhile back

Justin and I in Hawaii

Tasi and I at the Women's Christmas Banquet this year

Me, Kayla, and Heather at camp this past summer

Day 02

2011-01-10T23:36:00.002-06:00

Day 02: The Meaning Behind My Blog Name

It started in another late night session with a good friend/mentor/dear sister in Christ, Wendy Smith. Wendy and I have a habit of discussing fairly deep (and sometimes not so deep) things in the middle of the night, while we clean or paint or do laundry or organize or whatever it is she needs done around the house. This night we discussed so, so many things, but one thing in particular was me going on the World Race. The World Race is amazing and life changing, and I was sharing stories from a friend of mine who was on it at the time...all the while building up my own excitement about my anticipated leave date.

The next day I'm at work, and Wendy's husband stops by my work area and hands me a package wrapped in black cloth. I open it to discover Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig and Dave Roberts. It's the story of the 24-7 prayer movement that started in England in 1999 and has spread to 50 different countries. In a note she wrote in the book, Wendy said she felt God was telling her to give this book to me now after the conversation we had the night before, and she was praying it would ignite and excite me like it had her.

This book is life changing! Things were different for me after I read this book, and even though I never did leave on the World Race there is a fire still burning. It maybe slight right now, but just reading through the passage where "Herald the weirdo!" comes from got me all excited again! "Herald the weirdo" comes from a piece entitled "The Vision." It's too long to post here, but it describes this army of young people who have risen up to obey and pray like no other generation before them. Here's a piece of it:

Their DNA is JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)

Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.

Their words make demons scream in shopping centers.

Don't you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdos!

Summon the losers and the freaks.

Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.

They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.

Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily, it will come soon.

This book challenged me to the core. In fact, going through this has made me want to go back and reread this book...'cause it's just the kick in the pants I am searching for at this moment.

30 Days of Blogging

2011-01-09T19:54:00.005-06:00

I have been wanting to get back into the blogging world for quite some time, but I have had absolutely no motivation to do so. I saw this 30 Days of Blogging on an old friend's blog, and decided for my New Year's Resolution I was going to start off with 30 days of blogging! Weeelllll....it's Jan. 9, so I'm 9 days late but who's counting right?

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name
Day 03- A recent picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?

Day 01: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1. In a week, I am headed back to school to obtain a second degree...this time in nursing.

2. After being out of school for 5 years I am taking 16 hours right off the bat!

3. I played the alto sax all through junior high, high school, and college...and stopped as soon as I graduated.

4. I have a brophew...a biological nephew who is also my legal brother.

5. I have one child...a 1 1/2 year old miniature schnauzer named Ella.

6. I have never had a serious boyfriend.

7. I went to the OBGYN for the first time in my life this past August.

8. I would love to get through The Three Musketeers, Son of a Witch, Little Women, the Narnia series, and the Harry Potter series this year...with going to school full time.

9. Yes, I have read The Twilight Saga.

10. I love TMNT!

11. I love NKOTB!

12. When I get the urge to go somewhere on a plane, I pick a friend far away and go visit them so I can get rid of that urge.

13. I have got to be the biggest kid you'll ever meet!

14. I worked at a job I loathed for 3 1/2 years.

15. I answer to Listerine.

Another ending, another beginning

2010-12-28T00:10:00.004-06:00

It has been awhile since I've posted last I see... : )

I also see I am once again blogging about a journey... : )

But that's also been the story of my life for quite some time, and with decisions I have made in recent months it will continue to be so for awhile. Let me start from the beginning...

The last time I blogged was the day I seriously hurt my back at work. I obviously didn't know it at the time, but as it turns out I have two herniated discs in my L-4 and 5 and nerve damage in my L-5. What did I do? I picked up a heavy tote at work. I didn't find this out until a couple of weeks after I hurt myself, and unfortunately after rehab, 2 sets of different steroid injections, and meds I'm a little better but still in pain. It was at this point (finding out I had 2 herniated discs and nerve damage) I decided it was time for me to get serious about finding another job. I actually had a job pretty much lined up and in the bag, but as soon as they found out about my neck and back (oh yeah, herniated disc plus a tear in my neck from an accident with a semi) they went with someone else. I'm glad I didn't get it though, because I've decided enough is enough. It's time for me to find a career.

So, I began to think about me and what I like to do. I love helping people, and it's something I've always had a passion for but only realized it a couple of years ago. I also have always had this notion if I were to do college over again I wouldn't change my major. I would just add to it, and that addition would be nursing. With that, plus passing a kidney stone and being fascinated by it and looking at pictures of friend who got struck by lightning, I decided nursing was the career for me. So, I'm headed back to school to be a nurse! I start in just a couple of weeks...scary! I'll be going to school full time and working part time, which means I also quite working at Ecolab!!! That in itself was completely satisfying! I hated that job all 3 1/2 years I was there, but I stayed because I needed a job and didn't feel like it was time for me to leave. As soon as I decided on nursing, though, I knew it was time to leave. Although I've been scared and nervous about this decision, I have not had any reservations about it. To me, this is God pointing me in the right direction.

As my journey came to an end at Ecolab, I realized a lot of things I had "journeyed" through while I was there were also coming to an end. I will be honest here...I have felt very far away from God for the past 3 years. Several things have caused this disconnect with Him, and every time I desire for a closeness and a deeper relationship I feel as if He is pulling away even more. As a result, I have come to believe He will never use me. That He has left me out in the cold to fend for myself. I know, on some level, this isn't true, and I've plodded along life stuck in this limbo...knowing He's there but feeling like an orphan. That is until the Women's Christmas Banquet at my church at the beginning of December. Allow me to share...
The speaker read from the first 17 verses in the 1st chapter of the book of Matthew...go ahead, look it up. I'll wait. Done? Pretty enthralling right? That is until she pointed out the fact there are 4 women mentioned in Jesus' ancestry. Being a ministry major in college I knew this was unheard of and very special, but I don't remember going into detail about the history of the 4 women mentioned in these verses.
The first one is Tamar. Tamar was the daughter-in-law of Judah. Tamar had married two of Judah's sons and both had died. So, Tamar decides to dress as a prostitute and sleeps with Judah because Judah is a little slow in letting his third son marry Tamar. She becomes pregnant and has two sons. Good way to start right?
The second one is Rahab. Rahab actually was a lady of the night! She was the one who helped the two spies escape from Jericho before God destroyed it. She is spared from the destruction and ends up marrying an Israelite...and is in the lineage of Jesus. Better ending, but still not a great beginning.
The third one is Ruth. Ruth is actually an amazing woman, but her ancestry is not one to be proud of. Ruth was a Moabite. The Moabites came from Lot and his oldest daughter. Lot was fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah, and his wife turned around to look back and turned into a pillar of salt. Well, he flees with his two daughters into the mountains. His two daughters decide since there are no men around for them to marry, it would be a good idea to get their father drunk and sleep with him. The first daughter ends up having a son and naming him Moab, hence the Moabites. That's where Ruth comes from. Not any better.
The fourth woman is Bathsheba. Remember her, and her story with King David? She was married to Uriah, David sees her and wants her, she ends up pregnant, David tries to pass it off as Uriah's son to avoid shame, but then ends up having to send Uriah to the front lines to get killed to hide his shameful deed. Fantastic right?
These 4 women are mentioned in the ancestry of our Lord and Savior, God's own Son. The point is if God can use women like that, God can use a woman like me! It was refreshing and in perfect timing to be reminded of this truth.

That wonderful reminder brought an end to feeling complete and utter shame for past mistakes I have made. And in the following days, I found out I was kidney stone free, kidney disease free, and I had gained back all of the weight I had lost in the past year and a half! It was like God was putting a "Finished" stamp right across the season spent at Ecolab as I walked out those doors for the last time! God is so good and faithful despite my utter unfaithfulness!

Again, I echo the words of my last post..it is the end of a journey and the beginning of a new one! I have been raised from the ashes, set on my feet, dusted off, and now I'm ready for a new chapter in my life. Bring it on God!

It's the end of a journey, and the beginning of a new one

2010-06-28T23:11:00.003-05:00

I don't do this very often, but I am going to take my most recent journal entry and just copy it onto here. I finally finished filling in every page in a journal I have been writing in since 2004. I started this journal before my first trip to China, while I was a sophomore in college. I've spent 6 years in this journal, and the pages are full of ups and downs. Accomplishments and regrets. Unforgettable moments, and moments I wish I could forget forever. Finishing this journal means the end of a journey for me, but as I start my next journal, a new journey begins for me...one in which I have incredible expectations.

Another year of camp is in the books, and after last year this one will be hard to top! It was awesome! First off, sleeping in the motel really wasn't that bad. A nice big bed and clean shower almost made up for not being in the cabin with everyone else. Second of all, the rest of the counselors being encouraging had to do with a late night talk on Tuesday. On my side of the cabin there was a total of 4 shepherds, and 3 out of the 4 of us had similar stories. Unfortunately, I know it's common, but I'm always blown away by it. Conversation and transparentness became the theme for that evening. I talked about Penny, but a lot of the stuff I'm dealing with now doesn't really have to deal with Penny. It's dealing with what happened last year, and now dealing with the consequences from that. Keith Coast actually said something to the adults this year about being forgiven...that there is nothing we can do to loose God's love or forgiveness. That to believe we don't deserve God's forgiveness is a lie. I know this, but it doesn't mean I still don't struggle with the fact I can't believe God has already forgiven me. Third of all, my group of girls were absolutely fantastic! And finally, the water balloon fight! OMG, the water balloon fight was flippin' fantastic! It was awesome! We faced off like old school military style, and the boys won the "wettest" contest 'cause the girls were throwing at least 3000 water balloons at them! Yes, the girls totally dominated this year! Then come the stories of all the scorpions killed this year, including the one I took care of in Michelle and Sunny's bath tub. I also trapped one in a Gatorade bottle where it eventually drowned in what little Gatorade was left. There weren't a whole lot of issues with the kids this year, which made for such a great year.

As for me, I am getting better as each day passes. My friendships with Heather, Kayla, Haddie, and Elizabeth grow stronger with each passing week. And the best part, they are healthy relationships! I still need work on my relationship with God, but I am taking my wall down piece by piece and opening my heart again. I crave that deep relationship with Him again. It's just with everything I have been through in the past 2 1/2 years it's hard to believe God has my best in mind. I know He does, and slowly but surely I am seeing it in my life. This year has been a year of pain. Every pain imaginable has happened to me this past year. A new year starts for me tomorrow, and I am praying my 26th year of life will be a year of excitement and new beginnings. I have a lot of great expectations for my life this coming year. I have a lot of great expectations for God this coming year. I know God is God, and He is almighty and powerful. I have watched God do some pretty amazing things in other people's lives, and I am eagerly anticipating watching Him do some pretty amazing things in my life this year. He has show Himself to me in the past. I know the truth, which is why I know He will show Himself to me once again. I know He has great and wonderful things planned for me...it says so in His Word. I am just waiting for these great and wonderful plans to become true in my life. I am ready for a career. I want to help people. I want to teach people. I want, more than anything else, to become so close to God once again. That's what I really want. I want Him so bad. I want Him so close. I want to breath in His Spirit with every breathe. I want Him to be so evident in my life that's all people see. When they look at me they see Him. At camp, Sunny Austin talked to me about talking to the 6th grade girls about finishing this portion of their journey. The girls are about to start the journey that will take them beyond high school. I am finishing a journey, too. The pages in this journal have ended here, and it's time to take that next step forward.

I believe I am alive

2010-06-20T22:04:00.002-05:00

I am here.

I've just been really busy.

A lot has been happening since the last time I wrote...some bad, but a lot of good!

I should post pictures of the highlights...

...but...

I am headed to camp!

That's right! It's that time of year again here at Crossroads. It's time for Kid's Camp! I haven't really been ready for it like years past, but now that my bags are packed (and I'm pretty sure I haven't forgotten anything although it feels like I have) I AM SO READY TO GO!!!!

If you remember, please keep us in your prayers this week! We are taking around 451 kids, which is the most we've ever taken to camp before! It's supposed to be hot, like highs in the 100s, so please pray for safety and that no one would get sick, like I did last year. Also, please keep me in your prayers. I am expecting God to do some great things this year at camp...I'm kind of needing it. Pray my heart and ears would be open and receptive to whatever it is God wants to show me this week. God will move this week...I just pray I don't miss it!

I am really wanting to get back into writing on this journal and in my personal journal. I need to get back to writing. I am hoping now that most things have calmed down I will be able to.

See ya on the flip side!

The second year is always hardest.

2010-02-09T15:12:00.003-06:00

That's what I've heard, and come to find out it's true. You're really still in shock come that first year anniversary, but wow, the second year just hits you like a ton of bricks.

Two years today my little sister and my unborn niece (who would have been two in a couple of months) were hit and killed by a drunk driver. She was making a left hand turn from Sublett onto Cooper, and the guy ran the red light and hit her going close to 60 mph. I was at the church at the time doing helping out with a girl's sleep over. We had just put the girls down when Pam Siddle, our children's minister, walked into the room where I was and told me to follow her. Kayla, one of my friends, was asked to come along with me. Pam and Cody, Kayla's mom, were walking in front of us and were silent. They lead us down to the Grand Hall, which downstairs on the opposite side of the church from where the girls were sleeping. Cody took Kayla off to the side in the lobby, while Pam took me into the Grand Hall. She grabbed my arms and had tears in her eyes. I knew something was wrong at the point. She told me Penny had been involved in a car accident and had been killed. I don't remember much of anything after that. Kayla's mom and dad took me home, and I didn't really fall asleep until later on that afternoon. The days to follow were a blur. So many people in and out of the house...so much food! The memorial service was a blur as well. I remember I was fighting what turned out to be the flu, and I ended up getting a lot of people sick. Since then, it's been a tough journey, but a good one as well. I've learned a lot these past two years.

This is one of the last pictures I took of Penny. It was taken the Christmas before she died.

Love and miss you Penny!

Work in progress

2010-02-03T23:07:00.003-06:00

Hey! Remember me? It's been awhile, yes, but I have all the typical excuses...I'm busy, there's nothing really going on, etc. Actually, I have been really busy. I started my second semester at DBU about 2 weeks ago. I'm taking two classes this semester, and with working full time I am going to have very little free time! I have some sort of paper or project due pretty much every week from now until May. Yeah for grad school!

One of the classes I'm taking is Biblical Servant Leadership, and it's just like it sounds...a class on how to be a servant leader like Jesus was. One of the things we just finished talking about was how Jesus was a servant leader when we washed the Disciples feet. Obvious, yes I know, but did you ever stop to realize Judas was included in that act of service? This was done right before the Passover meal in the upper room...right before Jesus told Judas to go and do what he needed to do. In other words, Jesus washed the feet of Judas just hours before Judas would betray Jesus...and Jesus knew it was going to happen.

I have had several situations happen in my life where I have every right to be bitter and angry. In fact, I am currently going through, or more like dealing with, something I could be very bitter and angry about. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I was played...the more bitter I want to be. But then I stop myself and remember this act of service Jesus did for His disciples...including Judas. Jesus had every right to be angry and bitter with Judas, even in that moment, and yet, Jesus still knelt before him and washed his feet.

And then there's me. After everything I've done...after everything I've said I would do and don't, Jesus still loves me and cares for me. That right there pretty much melts all the bitterness, pain, anger, and hurt I feel. But, boy, do I have a long way to go!

Ella, I'm not in Texas anymore...

2009-12-23T14:37:00.008-06:00

Kansas and my visit with Liesl was absolutely wonderful!!! We had some really good food, and I had some really good beer! Liesl's roommate is in KU's band, so Liesl and I had fun talking about our marching band days with her roommate. Saturday was full of sports!!! I saw my first college volleyball game, which was really exciting, and then that afternoon I attended my first college football game. KU played Nebraska, and I got to Wave the Wheat a couple of times, which is really cool to see! Sunday was church, Kansas City BBQ (YUMMY!), and Wicked!!!!! I LOVE Wicked! I bought the soundtrack the day after I got back, and I have not stopped listening to it. I cannot wait for it to come to Dallas next year! My trip home was way fun 'cause my flight got cancelled. I ended up fly to Chicago on American, running/walking across the entire Chicago airport, and catching a flight on United Express, which means I flew almost 3 hours on a little bitty plane! Hahaha! It was sooo much fun, and a weekend I definitely needed! And of course, pictures:

Baylor played KU in volleyball, which is why we went to game. It was really exciting, and Liesl taught me a thing or two about college v-ball...just a tad different than little kid bounce ball! Ha!

The Kansas Sunflower! Liesl's roommate is down there somewhere! She plays sax, which is why Liesl is able to get along with her...she had practice dealing with me! :)

Liesl and I at the football game. I was cold! She was fine. I'm a wuss!

It's the traditional Pringles picture!!!! This tradition goes all the way back to the infamous bus trip to Atlanta, and every time we go anywhere there is a picture like this...including Germany!!!

Friends like Liesl are few and far between...trust me, I know! So even though it was an incredibly short trip, it's was a blast, and it's amazing how we can just pick up exactly where we left off!

Love you girl!

Headed to Kansas!!!!

2009-11-12T22:29:00.002-06:00

I AM SOOOOOO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!!

It's almost like Christmas for me...I can't stand it!

Tomorrow afternoon right after work I am headed to Lawrence, KS to visit Liesl! YES! Liesl is my best friend from high school...well we met in high school, were best friends then and still are now. After we graduated from high school we haven't been able to see a whole lot of each other, so when we do get the chance it's always exciting and I always look forward to it! I got to see her back in June when she came down for the 4th of July and got to be in town on my birthday. It was so fun having her here, and now I get to finally see her place up in Kansas and have some fun up there! Not 100% sure of what we're doing, but I do know we are going to see Wicked! on Sunday afternoon before I fly back home...totally excited about that too! Yes, be jealous of me! Ha!

I'll take pictures and post them on here when I get back, but for now I'm going to try and get some sleep so I can be at my fullest extent of excitedness come tomorrow!!! HECK YES!!!

Finally, a little more

2009-11-11T18:46:00.010-06:00

Sorry for the last post...it was a moment of desperation and frustration with everything that's going on right now. Thanks to all the family and friends who freaked out and called my mom to see what was going on with me! Haha! Seriously, thank you for your concern, but I am doing/was doing fine...just a moment of frustration!

I remember back in July saying I was really hoping to start posting on a more regular basis...and we can all see how that turned out! It's not for a lack of trying...it's for a lack of time! Let me see if I can get everything in here all at once...

The first issue would be my health. Back in September I went in for a routine physical, and a month later, and after many times of peeing in a cup, I came out with kidney stones! This was a month long process with many mentions of cancer thrown in by the urologist, so needless to say it was a little scary, not to mention a surprise! I have 2 3mm stones in my kidney that are going to pass, hopefully, painlessly. They are too small to do anything about at this time, but I go back in April for a check up to make sure they have passed. In the mean time I am drinking plenty of fluids, mainly water and lemonade, and praying it won't be as painful as the horror stories I've heard!!! I'm having some other health issues as well (not able to gain weight and extremely tired all the time), but we're still not sure what is causing those symptoms.

This is the reason I have had so little time to post as of late...thank you grad school for not letting me have a life!!! Hahaha! No, class is going good. I'll actually be done by the first week of December, and it will be nice to have a break. I have a research paper due next week that I haven't done anything for yet, but that's nothing new! I am pretty sure I'm going to change my degree to children's ministry...I just have to get in there and talk to my advisor about this.

Back at the beginning of October my family and I went up to Beaver's Bend, OK, which is right outside of Broken Bow, to get away for the weekend. It was a couple of weeks after the trial, and it gave us time to just hang out as a family and take a breather after the past year and half. It was sooo much fun!!! We stayed in a really nice cabin with a hot tub, went fishing, grilled steaks (cause we didn't catch anything), and made Smores around a campfire! Who knew Oklahoma could be so pretty???!!!

And what's been going one with me lately???

A lot of things actually...for one I dyed my hair red...again! It's been awhile since I've done it, and I figured it was about time for a change. I keep getting compliments on how good it looks on me and how it goes really well with my complexion. I even had someone tell me I look older! Hey...maybe I'll keep doing this!!! Hahaha!

Over the past couple of months I have a grown a lot in my walk with Jesus. I am learning a lot about myself and the woman of God He has created me to be. I'm learning you can survive just about everything, but the only way to really survive is to lean in on God. I'm learning that even though I feel incredibly weak and broken and fallen apart, I am incredibly strong because of God. I am learning the value of prayer and how it is the way to communicate with my Father...not just to ask Him for things, but to get to know Him, to grow closer to Him, and for me to become more and more like Him. I have learned the value of forgiveness, what it really means to forgive, and at the same time how amazing and full the mercy and grace of God is. When I turned 25 I thought my life was falling apart and this was the end, but now I am beginning to see the value of what I have been through in the past year and a half. Trust me...I would change any of the circumstances for a better option, but I am beginning to see the good that God promises for all who believe and trust in Him.

I have matured and grown a lot in the past 6 months, and I know the only reason I have been able to get through everything is because of God. I know He will never leave me...He never has left me. And for that I am extremely grateful! I am eager to see what God is going to do next, and to see how He's going to continue to work in all of these situations!

I want to update

2009-10-29T21:51:00.002-05:00

I really do want to update.
I really do want to keep everyone up to date on what's happening in my life.
But I'm at a loss of words right now. There is so much stuff going on in my life right now, that if I really stop and thi
nk about it I'll just start balling...when really that's all I want to do.
If you've ever felt every emotion known to man all at once, you have an idea of how I'm feeling right now.
I want to be joyful.
I want to be at peace.
But my heart is breaking.
I'm falling apart.
God, take these pieces of my life and heal them.
God, take me and heal me.
God, return my joy!

Victim's Impact Letter

2009-09-24T22:51:00.003-05:00

As promised, in a couple of days no less!, the Victim's Impact Letter that was read to Lorenzo during his trial this past Monday. We all submitted a piece of it, I put it all together and made it flow, and Dad read it.

Thank you again for all your love, support, and prayers during these past months.

Much love!

We’ve had a lot of time to think about what to say at this time, and more than anything we want you to know you hurt a lot of people very deeply by the choice you made the night Penny was killed. Since you’ve never met Penny before, we want to take this opportunity to tell you a little about her…we want you to know just who this person was that was taken from us way too early.
At the time of her death, Penny was a single mom of a vivacious 4-year-old son. She was also six months pregnant with a beautiful baby girl, Hayleigh Marie. Penny was a hard working mom, who was planning on getting her own place as soon as she got her tax refund. She had a place picked out and everything. She had simply stopped to get something to eat after work that night and was headed home when everything changed.
Now, her son, Kaleb, has to grow up without his mommy. One of the hardest things we had to do as a family was to tell Kaleb that his mommy wouldn’t be coming home anymore. The look on Kaleb’s tear stained face after telling him is forever etched into our memories. Kaleb will also never get to know his sister, Hayleigh Marie. He knows he’ll get to see both of them in heaven one day, but for the rest of his time on this earth he will not get to see them or talk to them. However, Kaleb has told us to tell you he wants you to have another chance when you get out of jail.
As Penny’s parents, we have lost our daughter and our granddaughter. We’ll never hear the chair Penny like to sit in creak anymore. We won’t hear the front door shut late at night when she comes home from work. We’ll never get to tell her to her face how much we love her. We’ll never get to hold her or just be with her anymore. Her birthday is next Sunday, and we plan on celebrating it with some good Louisiana gumbo…her favorite. We’ll also never get to see our granddaughter grow up. Hayleigh would have been about 16 months old by now, walking around and playing with our dogs and her big brother Kaleb. We’ll never know the person Hayleigh would have become and the great things she could have done for this world.
Penny’s older brother, Tommy, lost his best friend. They used to talk about anything and everything, and you took that away from him. He felt like he had failed his baby sister by not protecting her, but he has since realized it was not his fault. He wants you to be productive while in prison, and he wants you to remember when you say good-bye to your family today, none of us had the chance to say good-bye to Penny.
Christine, Penny’s big sister, also lost her baby sister. Sisters are such a special and unique relationship, and that relationship was taken away from Christine the night you decided to drink and drive. One of the hardest things Christine has had to deal with since Penny’s death is sitting back and watching all of her friends with sisters go on with life. She no longer has her movie watching buddy, she no longer has someone to go to the mall with, she no longer has her future maid of honor…she no longer has her sister and all the things that go along with that special relationship.
Her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and all her other relatives will never again be able to enjoy her company, her birthday cards, her phone calls, her text messages, and all the other sweet things she used to do for them. Her many friends will never see her smile again, hear her voice, or get a hug from her. And what great hugs Penny gave! Penny never got to hold her beautiful daughter. Days before she died Penny told us she wanted to go back to school to be a teacher. All those students she would have had will never get to know her or be blessed by her presence. You took something from us that is precious, extremely valuable, and irreplaceable. We will never get to see the impact she would have made on countless lives in this world.
With all of this said, Lorenzo, our family wants you to know we know your life has been impacted as well. We have to live without Penny and Hayleigh for the rest of our lives, and you have to live with the knowledge of whom you took from us for the rest of your life. More than anything, though, we want you to know our family has forgiven you, Lorenzo. We pray you will find the love and forgiveness that only Jesus Christ can give, if you haven’t already. He is the only reason we have been able to make it through this season of grief, and He is the only way you will be able to make it through your season to come. May you find the love, forgiveness, peace, and comfort that only our Lord Almighty can provide.

It's finally over with.

2009-09-21T21:33:00.004-05:00

This afternoon the final piece of this year and half long journey of grief has finally fallen into place. This afternoon my family and I drove the 20 minutes to the Tarrant County Court House in downtown Ft. Worth to watch Lorenzo, the guy who hit and killed my sister and unborn niece, plead guilty to two counts of intoxicated manslaughter with a deadly weapon. He was sentenced to 10 years, and he will be eligible for parole in 5 years. However, if we stay involved in the case, send the parole board pictures and letters about who Penny was, and attend the parole hearings, he will more than likely serve all 10 years.

Let me tell you what happened. We enter the courtroom, and the judge calls Lorenzo to come forward. This is the first time we have seen him. He's actually a very clean cut guy. He had on a really nice suit and tie, and he didn't seem like he was a bad guy. Just a normal guy who made a really stupid and costly decision. The judge went through the process of explaining what his charges against him meant, asking him how he plead, and then making sure he was under no pressure to make this plea of guilty. In other words, Lorenzo understood beyond a shadow of a doubt what pleading guilty meant, and he was not being forced by anyone to make this plea. The judge then proceeded to ask him details about that night, and for the first time we heard his side of the story...what he was doing that night and how much he had had to drink.
Apparently, a friend of his had been over at his house fixing his air conditioner. They had been drinking. They then got in Lorenzo's car and drove to his friend's house where they drank some more. That night he said he had 8 beers total. He then received a phone call from his wife saying she was having difficulties with her pregnancy. So, he jumped in his car and drove home in a hurry. At this point he doesn't remember anything until he hit Penny. The judge asked him where this took place, and he told him at the intersection of Cooper and Sublett. The judge then says he lives around that area and remembers the accident very well. Just another one of the many coincidental God things in this whole ordeal!!! The judge then chews him out and lectures him on the dangers and stupidity of drinking and driving.
After this my dad goes forward and reads the victim's impact statement we had prepared. We each wrote a little piece of it, and I fine tuned it and made it flow. By the end of it we had the entire court in tears, including the DA. Lorenzo himself broke down when we told him our family forgave for what he had done, and his family broke down when we told him Kaleb wanted him to have another chance when he got out of jail.
Lorenzo then wanted to make a statement to us, but before he started the judge wanted to make sure he knew just how uncommon and rare it was that we, as victims, had forgiven him for what he had done. The judge said he knew our statement of forgiveness was true and genuine, and that his statement of asking for forgiveness better be just as sincere and genuine. He then told Lorenzo to turn and face us. Lorenzo then went on to apologize for what he had done, and he knew that although we were both suffering, he understood that the impact of his actions on our family was much greater. He said there was not a day that went by that he did not think about what he had done. As he spoke it got harder and harder for him because he was crying and fighting back tears. He was truly remorseful and sorry for what he had done.
Seeing him and hearing what he had to say made taking the 10 year plea the DA and his lawyer had come to agree on a whole lot easier. We understand his life is forever changed as well, but if he is truly sorry for what he has done, then we don't wish to completely ruin his life. He needs grace, mercy, and forgiveness just as much as I do. Who am I to not offer that to him when I need it just as much?
The judge continued after his statement. He totally blew us away, and ordered for Lorenzo, when he got out, to speak in high schools about the effects of drinking and driving. I really hope he speaks at Martin...the high school Penny and I and Tommy graduated from. He also ordered that Lorenzo pay us back for the counseling Kaleb went through, and he also ordered him to carry with him at all times a picture of Penny as a reminder of what he had done.

Justice was served today. I felt completely relieved...the proverbial weight lifted off your shoulders feeling. It's done. It's finished. We're at peace with what the court decided and very comforted in the fact that he will be making an impact for the better once he gets out.

So, that's it. It's over. What a relief!!!! I'll post the victim's impact statement we wrote in the next couple of days. It's a little long, and it would make this post extremely long if I were to tag it on the end here.

Thank you to all who prayed for our family during this time. Now it's on to finish healing and getting on with life.

Things that make me smile

2009-09-08T21:45:00.002-05:00

About a year ago my cousin gave me this little black book...apparently the technical name for it is moleskin. Anyway, the whole point of the little black book was to write down all the good things God had done for me...to remember His promises. When she gave me the moleskins, I was having a hard time seeing how God could be good. Why did He have to take my sister and niece like He did? Why was the guy who killed them still walking around? Where is His justice? Where is His goodness? I must have been getting annoying...or I was clearly on the verge of going crazy, so to help me out she bought me my little black book and told me to write all the good things God had done for me...all the things that make me smile. Then, when I am discouraged go back and read them. I'll tell you it works. When I am discouraged, I go back and read all of the ones I've written in there and I can't help but walk away with a smile on my face and feeling 10 times better than when I started.

I thought I would share some of my most favorites with you:

Kaleb: Oh man! Christine likes my shoes!
When Kaleb went to the end of Dad's bed to make sure Dad's toes were still there when I told him Papa had a foot attached to his chest.
Having my cousin bring me Chiptole when I had a bad day at work.
On the Boarder time with Wendy.
Special coffee at work.
Rainy days that are perfect for hanging out and watching movies.
Remembering that Kaleb used to say "Fry, fry" for french fry.
Horseraddish cheddar cheese.
Kaleb in his Spider-Man swim get up.
Kidstuff! ...and the mess ups...the letter "m" falling off...
Having Liesl tell me she's coming down for my birthday!
Being alone in my car late at night after a long day.
Possum Kingdom Kayak trip
4th of July in Michigan
Kaleb: "That's ick! I don't touch ick!"
Fart in a Cup
My birthday card from Kaleb 4 days early because he couldn't wait to give it to me.
Camp...dodge ball...smoke rings...Yancy...Keith Coast...BURRITO!!!
Cowboys Stadium tour with Liesl and Kathryn on my birthday!
Being with family in Arizona
Kaleb: I'm gonna get great-grandpa to tie you to a hook like bait and cast you into the lake!
Me: I have nothing to say to that!
After saying I didn't like my elementary school's food, Kaleb replies, "Oh, you would like my school! They have the bestest food! They have corn dogs, but you can only drink chocolate milk. They will tell you, 'No caffeine for you!'"
Kaleb sounding out "Mug" mug-jug
Sanity night with Heather, Elizabeth, Kayla, and Justine
Coming home from Boston Market:
Me: Kaleb, did you fart?
Kaleb: Nooooo!
Mom: I think it's the chicken.
Kaleb: How do chickens fart?
Airhogs games with the girls...especially doing the Grill Races and having my pants fall down!
After no one was wanting to say grace, Kaleb goes, "Well, Amen! Let's eat!"
1 1/2 hour hot stone therapy massage
Lamentations...but especially Chapter 3
Dinner with Lauren and catching up
Ella!
Playing Madden football with Lance

Looking back there seems to be A LOT of Kaleb...but oh well! What can I say? He's a cutie!

It's completely random I know, but I hope it inspires you to start doing the same. It really does help when things aren't going the way you want them to and you're feeling just a tad bit blue. A smile makes all the difference in the world!

I am a proud momma...

2009-08-29T18:34:00.005-05:00

...of a 10 week old, salt and pepper miniature schnauzer named Ella!

I named her after Ella Fitzgerald because when I went and looked at her this past Monday she was really laid back and calm. However, you could tell she had some spunk to her, and boy was I right!!! Her name fits her well, and now I'm in the process of getting her to enjoy the sounds of Ella Fitzgerald! Haha!

I picked her up on Wednesday night, and she's almost completely potty trained by now. She hasn't had an accident since Thursday, but I don't entirely trust her just yet. Kona LOVES have a friend around! They play very well together, although Kona forgets just how big she is compared to tiny little Ella! Kona's head is the same size of Ella! It's really cute to watch them play together, and Ella can definitely hold her own against Kona!

Here are some more pictures!!!

The Israelites and Me

2009-08-24T21:37:00.002-05:00

This is kind of an impromptu second part to the Forgiveness blog I wrote a week ago...

This past year one of my goals was to finally read through the Bible in a year (I know, I know! horrible ministry student/Christian!). My Bible study teacher at church gave me The One Year Chronological Bible for Christmas, and I have absolutely loved reading through it! It is actually really, really neat to read through it in chronological order. Anyway, for probably about the past 4 months or so I have been reading about the Israelites and the steps that led them to being taken into captivity by the Babylonians. I have read what caused them to get there, the actually captivity, and I am now going through the prophets that speak of their returning to Jerusalem.

The journey along with them has been tedious at times, but it has also been an eye opening experience for me. You see, I've always wondered if God would ever punish one of His child like He did the Israelites during that time period. Would God ever send me into my own captivity? And does that mean He has stopped loving me? In the past couple of months I have discovered the answers to both of those questions.

Yes, God will send one of His children into their own "captivity" if it's going to break them of what they are doing. The Israelites kept worshiping false gods, and even though several kings who followed God ruled over them and removed the alters to those false gods they would eventually get a bad king who would rebuild those alters and be worse than the ones before him. Their bondage was to false gods, and eventually God allowed them to be taken into captivity to break them of that bondage. So, yes. I have been taken into my own "captivity." I was in bondage to something I kept trying to fight on my own for years, but never really gained any victory in because I wasn't letting God fight that battle for me. And now, I have been exiled, so to speak. But this is where the answer to the second question comes in...

No, it does not mean He stops loving you! Let me say that again...NO! IT DOES NOT MEAN HE STOPS LOVING YOU!!! Through my exile, I have discovered my love and passion for Jesus Christ all over again. Through my exile, I was finally able to rid myself of these chains that were weighing me down. Through my exile, I am continuing to discover how much I need Him, and without Him I am nothing. Through my exile, I am discovering I don't deserve anything and I have no right to complain to God about it because just like Job I was not there when He laid the foundations of the Earth. Through my exile, I am falling hopelessly, head over heels in love with my Jesus all over again! And that's the best part of this exile. Even though I screwed up majorly, God is still there...right by my side...step by step...carrying me in this journey. He is chiseling away some major rough spots in my life, and I am turning more and more into what He originally created me to be.

Now onto the best part...hope. Even though the Israelites were taken away from their home and their temple to a foreign land with foreign customs, food, and gods, God promised them they would one day return to the land He had given them. There is hope in every situation like this. Whatever exile you maybe going through, there is hope on the other side. I am praying for a specific hope in my particular situation, but in all honesty I am praying for just some sort of hope that is from God and exactly what He wants for me.

Last night before going to bed I was in desperate need of some hope, and in my reading of the Chronological Bible I discovered the very hope I needed and it made me weep. Scripture is moving, and I've cried reading Scripture before but not like this. I'll leave you with the very hope God gave me last night. It's Lamentations 3:19-33...I'm taking it from the NLT.

The thought of my suffering and homelessness

is bitter beyond words.

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline:

Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands.

Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last.

Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies.

For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.

For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.

Kaleb's first day of First Grade

2009-08-24T20:57:00.002-05:00

Isn't he so handsome! He's gotten so big, too.

We had Meet the Teacher Day this past Thursday, and we all went up with him because we were all going out to eat afterwards. I walked in that first grade class room and had a flash back! I remember a lot of what I did during 1st grade. I loved 1st grade! I love my teacher! I loved learning how to read! I loved the tooth chart on the wall, which Kaleb's teacher had too and totally made me smile! I absolutely loved 1st grade! I think that's where I really fell in love with school...and it was all because of my teacher. Mrs. Hill was the best ever! I hope Kaleb loves 1st grade as much as I did. I learned so much and grew so much during that time, and what a privilege it is to be able to watch him during this time!

Ok...enough sounding like a mom!

Forgiveness

2009-08-12T18:00:00.004-05:00

So here it is finally...after a couple of weeks of rolling around in my head at work, I'm finally getting this out there.

A couple of months ago I shared something I had written in my journal back around Spring Break...it's called Given Up On. The whole idea behind it was reminding myself that no matter what I struggle with, no matter how long I struggle with it, and no matter how far I go God is not going to give up on me. No matter how bad I think I've screwed up, God is not going to give up on me. No matter how far I've gone that I can't "feel" God anymore, God is not going to give up on me...and He's not going to leave me! When I wrote that I had no idea what was to come, but I'm so glad I did because it is a reminder for me...no matter what I think, feel, or do God is not going to give up on me!

And what's even better than that revelation is the fact not only is God not going to give up on me, but He has forgiven me! All the things I have ever done and all the things I ever will do are forgiven. That is the reason behind the cross...it is the reason why Jesus died on the cross. To say I've done something that is beyond God's forgiveness is not only prideful but absolutely wrong. So, right now at this very moment I stand before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords a forgiven, free, and whiter than snow child of God! And you can take that to the spiritual bank!

The attributes of God that are behind His unconditional forgiveness are His amazing love, mercy, and grace. There's a book my old boss introduced me to sometime last year...it's called What's so amazing about grace? It's by Philip Yancey. He originally wrote it as a book, but then they made a visual edition...which I think is much more moving and powerful...but I'm more of a visual person anyway. He starts out by quoting the first couple lines to "Amazing Grace." When it gets to "saved a wretch like me" the book shows pictures and stories of different people with "like me" written over each person. The pictures include ordinary people, young and old alike, as well as people the entire world may have a hard time forgiving like Hitler and Timothy McVeigh. The very thing about God's grace, mercy, and love is that it covers EVERYONE no matter what they have done or will do. God loves EVERYONE, and He freely offers His love, mercy, and grace to EVERYONE.

For the past couple of months I have been thinking constantly about God's love and unconditional forgiveness, and I know for a fact the reason why there is so much peace in my life during this not so easy time in my life is because of His unconditional forgiveness. His forgiveness is FREEING! It is absolutely freeing, and because of His love, grace, mercy and forgiveness I am a new creation in Christ! The old has gone; the new has come!!!

I can't get over how much He loves me! I can't get over how much His forgiveness is unconditional! I can't get over how much He freely offers His mercy and grace to me! It is truly, truly UH-MAZING!!!

iTunes DJ

2009-08-06T16:28:00.004-05:00

So in the middle of some rather heavish posts...I have one about forgiveness still brewing in my mind...I thought I would have some fun and do this post a friend of mine did. Take the first 15 tunes in your iTunes DJ and share whatever meaning they have.

1. Venus de Milo...Miles Davis...The Complete Birth of the Cool

So this particular piece has no special meaning to me, but the album does so anytime I hear anything from this album I think of the last jazz concert I ever played in. It was at a really old theater in downtown Shawnee (the name escapes me boo!), and Kevin Pruiett had 9 of us play one of the pieces from the album. It was awesome!

2. Courage...Superchick...Beauty from Pain

This song reminds me of my senior year in high school. I didn't hear it 'til a couple of years after I graduated, but when I did I immediately thought of that last year. Thankfully, I've come so far since then!

3. Help...The Beatles...Dejah's Mix

My senior year of college I had one of the pledges make me a mix cd for one of her "punishments." She had to make it before Spring Break so I had something to listen to for the drive home, and this is one of the songs off that mix. I will forever remember driving by the Bison farm listening to this cd!

4. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen...Bare Naked Ladies...Monica's Christmas Music

This is one of my FAVORITE Christmas songs, and I will always remember those wonderful Monday night saving the world conversations over a cup of coffee with Monica and the rest of the gals. This was Monica's Christmas present to us before we left for Christmas break, and I look forward to bringing this cd out every year and remembering those fabulous nights!

5. Say My Name...Destiny's Child...Angry Chick Mix

Hahaha! I made this mix after a really good friend of mine pretty much ended our friendship for no reason and wouldn't let me know why. I was so mad at her, and I had NO music to express my feelings. So I made this mix, and now it's one of my favorites! All chicks, and all pretty much angry at someone or something! I LOVE IT!

6. Ohio (Come Back to Texas)...Bowling for Soup...Dejah's Mix

Haha! Another one from Dejah's Mix, but I love this song!!! It's got everything about Texas that I love! I would always play it on my way home from school, and I'll write it to people when they are away.

7. In the Air...Toby Mac...Momentum

I really didn't start listening to this album until I started running after Penny died. Every morning I would start this album and run for about 30 minutes, and then one morning I decided to just keep running until I finished the album!

8. Curl Up and Die...Relient K...The Bird and the Bee Sides

My mentor's son (fantastic little guy) gave me this album a while back, and it has become one of my favorite Relient K albums. It has such a great mix of new and old music revamped. It's fantastic.

9. Try a Little Tenderness...Michael Buble...It's Time

The first time I heard Michael Buble I was headed to San Antonio with Heather Shealy for a week. I listened to this cd over and over again on the way down there and back and while we were there! And the one thing I remember from that trip is getting the crap burned out of me on the beach in Corpus Christi...I mean 2nd degree burns and water blisters!

10. Why Have You Brought Me Here? Raoul, I've Been There...Andrew Lloyd Webber...Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera was the first musical/operetta I saw. It was in New Orleans with my 5th grade Social Studies teacher and a group of her students. I will never forget that night. It started my love for music!

11. One Little Miracle...Hawk Nelson...Is My Friend!

This was another album I got from my mentor's son, but what I will forever remember with this song is riding around Arlington with Kathryn, my cousin, and commenting on how he sounds so much like Mae.

12. Spies...Coldplay...Parachutes

I have to be honest...I haven't heard this song in years! I borrowed his cd off a friend from band at OBU cause I wanted to jump on the Coldplay bandwagon my freshmen year there. So much for jumping on with both feet! I think I listened to it once, and that was it! Hahaha!

13. Time is a Healer...Eva Cassidy...Songbird

Oh wow...how appropriate!!! Kathryn, my cousin, got me hooked on Eva Cassidy while we were driving to Dallas for my first taste of S&D Oyster Co. and the Dallas Symphonic Orchestra. I will never forget that incredible night of food and music...plus time with one of my best friends. It's appropriate because right now Kathryn and I aren't talking to each other, and I'm praying that time will be a healer for our friendship.

14. Victory in Jesus...Ross King...To Make God Famous

When I first heard Ross King I really didn't like his voice, but he's grown on me over the years. I got this album when I was in China for 2 1/2 months. When the OBU team came I was so sick of my music one of the sponsors downloaded this album onto my MP3 player for me! Hahaha!

15. After Today...Aaron Lohr...Summer Girls Mix (The Goofy Movie)

OMG!!!!! Hahahaha!!!! Candace made me the Summer Girls Mix for me to listen to on the way home from my first year of college, and every time I think of that cd I think of this song!!!!! It's so picturesque summer it's ridiculous!!!!

Ok, so that was way more fun than I thought it would be! And to think...I only have half my music on iTunes! All the stuff I listened to in high school hasn't made it on to my iTunes yet! Maybe another first 15 is in order for when I do get it on there!

Late night confession

2009-07-27T22:47:00.002-05:00

I can't sleep, and for the past couple of days I've been mulling over this very post. Mainly thinking about it at work since I have the mind free time there, but I haven't really been able to find the time once I get home to sit down and write it. Maybe this will help me fall asleep...we'll see!

I do have a confession to make. It's kind of big, but nothing earth shattering. I'm going through Beth Moore's Esther Bible study right now, and in the last video I watched she talks about our fears. Basically, "If _____ happens, then _____." You fill in the blank...if your biggest fear comes true, then what will you do? Ever since last Wednesday I've been thinking about what my first blank would be...what is my biggest fear in life? Then it finally hit me about Friday...my biggest fear in life is being rejected. That's my confession...I have a fear of rejection.

This really is nothing new to me...I've known I've had this fear since my senior year of high school, but I haven't really thought about it much until recently. I've been wondering how it has affected my life since I've realized I've had this fear. At first I thought it would explain the over protection when it comes to my friends and the guys they date, and I'm sure to some degree it does. However, I don't think it's totally true. There are several friends of mine who are either engaged or on their way to being engaged, and I'm so freakin' excited for them I could pee my pants! Then I have my single buddies, who most of them I can't wait to see get married and have babies cause they will be soooo cute! And...I want to be Aunt Krispy once again! So, yes I am protective of the guys my friends date, and I do make it pretty clear to them whether or not I like the guy. But once the right guy is found, it's all down hill from there for me! I get sucked into all the mushy crap along with getting excited about future plans...because I'm a girl and that stuff is exciting!

So, how has this fear of rejection manifested itself in my life if it hasn't done it with the guys my friends date? Well, it comes in the form of being overly there...that's my spin on it. I'm always wanting to know whats going on, where are they going, what are they doing, etc. It's a pain yes, and I'm afraid this has helped drive some friends away. I don't want to be like that, and I'm constantly having to watch myself when it comes to things like that. With some friends I'm pretty good about it, but with other friends I fail miserably. I feel if they are doing something without me, then they are rejecting me. It's ridiculous, I know. I see the ridiculousness in this fear, believe me! I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to loose my best friends. I don't want to loose a serious boyfriend or husband...if I ever get either! I don't want to be that crazy person who is extremely vi sable in her insecurity.

I am working on this fear believe me! One of the things Beth Moore was saying in her Bible study was, "Can you imagine life without fear?" If you really sit down and think about it blows your mind. Endless opportunities are awakened and revitalized...there is NO fear and therefore nothing to be afraid of because you're not going to get hurt! Nothing is going to happen to you in a world without fear! However, we live in a fallen world where there is fear and pain and hurt. And even though most of our fears don't come true, a few do happen to come true sometimes. That's where she asks her question and fills in the last and only right answer to that question...

So here's mine...If I loose my best friend and she does reject me, then GOD. That's right...G-O-D. Then God happens. God takes care of you. God holds you in his hands and whispers His sweet truth to you. God holds you up and strengthens you when you have reached the end of everything you have.

My birthday!

2009-07-23T16:35:00.007-05:00

Sorry it's been a little while...lots of stuff has been happening as of late. Some bad and heart breaking, but good things are happening out of it.

Anyway, my birthday was fantastic! I didn't have to go to work, which was nice, but I did have to go get impressions done for my braces for the second time. I'm getting Invisaline, and something went wrong with the trays so I had to go in and do them again. Thankfully, though, they took money off my overall bill! I celebrated my ability to get the impressions done without gagging with a morning chili dog and vanilla coke from Sonic! :) After that I went and picked up Kathryn's parents at the airport and chilled with them until Kathryn came home and Liesl, my best-friend from high school, got there! After Liesl got there we went out to lunch to Panera, and then the best part of the whole day...the NEW Cowboy's Stadium!!!! Kathryn, Liesl, and I went and took a tour of the stadium, and I was wide-eyed and super excited the whole time!!! Here's some of the best pictures:

However, the best part was running in the same location as where the Cowboys will run onto the field! Our tour guide asked if anyone would want to do it, but no one raised their hand. Kathryn looks at me and says, "You want to run don't you?" I sheepishly but very excitedly said, "Uh-huh!" And here we have it:

After this we went to my parents' house for my birthday dinner with the fam. It was fun, and I had a really, really good birthday! It was a great start to my 1/4 of Century Life Crisis! Haha!

I'm going to try and post more. I have a lot of things that are going through my head that I want to put on here. Hopefully I'll be able to!

CAAAMMMMPPPPP!!!!

2009-06-28T22:59:00.003-05:00

Lasted only a day and a half!!! Can you believe that?!?!!?

The reason: I got a stomach virus EARLY Wednesday morning and ended up leaving that morning. It was horrible. I look forward to camp all year long...I use a week of vacation time for camp, and I end up getting sick on the second full day and miss all the fun stuff at the end of the week. Oh well...I did catch up on some sleep I was in desperate need of. I'm feeling much, much better...although I can't seem to shake the tummy ache feeling, but I'm beginning to think it's stress induced rather than stomach virus induced. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm stressed about, but I don't understand why it would be happening now. I've been stressing over that for the past two weeks!!! Why now?!?!

So, despite getting sick and having to leave early I had a blast at camp! Keith Coast is freakin' awesome, and I was very glad he had some new stuff this year. Yancy is always fantastically amazing, and she actually remembered that she had been at our church a couple of months prior to camp. I missed the bandanna game, but I did get to play dodge ball and bean a lot of girls! Special counselor rules make dodge ball way more fun...basically counselors can't get out! I did get to swim once, and I got a belly flop in which is tradition. Missed out on the water balloon fight, which I heard was pretty darn fantastic. I also missed out on some major drama, but just between me and you I'm glad I missed that part of it! Hahaha! Here's some pictures:

Its time for camp!!!!

2009-06-21T23:55:00.002-05:00

Woot woot!!! I leave tomorrow for Kid's Camp with my church...for like the 7th or 8th time! I have completely lost count, but that's perfectly ok cause I LOVE GOING TO CAMP!!!!! I need this vacation so, so badly. It has been really hard for me to get up in the morning and go to work, and I know that some of it is because I haven't had some good vacation time since Christmas. The other part of it is I'm tired of working at my job. I'm tired of getting up every morning to go work at a job I don't enjoy doing anymore. This is what makes it extremely difficult to get up in the morning and be happy while I'm there. It's gotten so bad that people at work are starting to notice now. I hoping camp will refreash me and give me a little bit of that joy back. We'll see...it has before and I'm sure it won't fail me now!

See you in a week!!!

Given Up On

2009-06-14T22:38:00.003-05:00

"God, are you there?"
"I am here my child."
"I have a question to ask you but I'm afraid of how you'll react. Please don't yell at me?"
"I won't yell. I love you. What is your question, my sweet?"
"Ok...here goes...have you given up on me?"
"Given up on you? Where would you get an idea like that?"
"It feels like you have. I cry out to you, but all I hear is silence most times. That and...you should give up on me. I've been really bad. I've done absolutely horrible and shameful things. You have given up on me haven't you?"
"No, not at all! I love you, my child."
"But what about all the things I've done?"
"What things?"
"All of those nasty, horrible sins I committed last week. You should know this. Don't you remember? I confessed them to you."
"And I forgave you. I don't remember them. They are removed from me as far as the east is from the west. I forgive and forget, my child."
"Completely? Like, totally gone?"
"Completely. Like, totally gone."
"But why? They were horrible, awful, shameful, disgusting things!"
"Because I love you."
"But...they were bad things, God. Everyone else has given up on me. Everyone else has turned their back on me. You should too. Jump on the band wagon! It's a fun ride I hear!"
"I'm not like everyone else...I'm God. And I have not given up on you, nor have I turned my back on you."
"But..."
"I love you. That's all that matters. I forgave you. You have been made clean again. I have taken the burden. You are free!"
"Then why do I still feel like this?"
"Because you keep trying to take it back from me. You give it to me and then you try and take it back and I let you."
"Well, why do you let me if you know what's going to happen?"
"Because I gave you free will. It's your choice to take it back, and because I love you, I let you. That's why you feel distant from me."
"But you always come back don't you?"
"I've never left. You try and go your own way when you take your burden back. But you stumble and fall and then give it right back to me when you realize you can't carry this burden on your own."
"You're there the whole time?"
"I've never left you."
"So, you haven't given up on me?"
"My child, I have never, not once, in all the years of my existence even come close to even remotely coming up with the idea of giving up on you. I sent my only Son for you. Doesn't that prove I have never, nor will I ever give up on you? I love you, my child."
--Silence--
"Thank you, God. Thank you."
"You're welcome, my child. Now, would you like to walk with me in the garden?"
"God, I would love to. It's beautiful in the cool of the day, you know?"
"Yes, I do know."
"Oh, yeah!"
--Laughter--

A modern day twist on an old parable

2009-06-06T21:42:00.002-05:00

I was reading through my old journals the other night, and I was reading this one entry I wrote almost 3 years ago. I had just graduated from OBU, and I was getting ready to leave for Candidate School for Frontiers. Apparently I had not been paying attention in church one Sunday and instead brainstorming ideas for a modern day twist on an old parable. It's not as good a Jesus, obviously, but this is what I came up with that morning. Enjoy!

A white, male Christian preacher is walking around downtown Dallas passing out "God hates fags!" and "Muslims are demons!" pamphlets. Most people are ignoring him except for two muggers who notice his fat and heavy laded wallet in his back pocket. They follow him and eventually back him into a dark alleyway. They beat the living tar out of him, steal his fat and heavy laded wallet and take off leaving him for dead. He comes to and manages to pull himself and manages to pull himself to the street before passing out again.
A lay person from a nearby church sees this man passed out on the street. He shakes his head thinking him to be a drunk and a bum. He decides the passed out preacher/bum only wants money for alcohol, which is a huge sin, and he also notices how late he is for his daily morning Bible Study at the church. Fearing himself to be shunned from the super spiritual club at church, he bravely crosses the street and quickly walks right on by on the other side, all the while ignoring his fellow brethren.
A little while later a famous TV evangelist/prophet/millionaire came walking down the street and noticed the passed out preacher. He notices the man and starts to pray to see if it's God's will to help this poor fellow brethren. He raises his hands, jumps up and down, and speaks in tongues, but then he sees the pamphlets. He decides he doesn't want that kind of negative publicity and makes his way bravely across the street and heads to the TV station, all the while ignoring his fellow brethren.
A few moments later an unknown middle class Muslim man comes walking down the street. As he approaches the passed out preacher he notices the beatings on the face and the blood dripping from his nose. Realizing this man was mugged he rushes up to the passed out pastor, pushes aside the "Muslims are demons!" pamphlets, and turns the man over on his back. Realizing the man to be a Christian he briefly wonders if he should take care of this man. They are enemies, and trouble could follow him if and when the passed out preacher comes to. However, this unknown middle class Muslim man knows its the right thing to do, enemy or not. He picks the passed out preacher up fireman style, hails a cab, and takes him to the nearest hospital. The unknown middle class Muslim man tells the receptionist at the hospital to send the bills to him.
The white, make Christian preacher is saved and provided for not by his fellow brethren but by someone he was just preaching against.
Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Hawaii Envy

2009-06-06T01:20:00.004-05:00

Some friends of mine just got back from their first trip to Hawaii, and I have to say the entire time they were gone I couldn't stop thinking about it! I am totally jealous!!! They're posting their Hawaii pictures on Facebook, and have tons of exciting stories, and a beautiful sun tan glow about them...and I'm still jealous!

My first time to Hawaii was the day after I graduated from college. That was my graduation present from my parents. I graduated on a Saturday and early that Sunday morning we were on a plane headed to Hawaii! I remember the feeling of anticipation and excitement on the plane grow as the captian announced he had found the Hawaiian Islands again! I remember the smell of the salt water, Hawaiian flowers, and jet fuel walking out of the airport. I remember standing in the Pacific Ocean for the first time and the feel of the incredibly fine sand on my feet! I remember seeing the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen and not having my camera there with me! I remember just being totally relaxed and at ease the entire week. I remember the exhilarating feeling of catching my first wave! And I remember the disappointment of having to get back on the plane to come back home. I want to go back so, so very badly!!! I LOVE that place, and I really would move there in a heartbeat if given the chance!!!

Here are some of my pictures just to walk down memory lane again!

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T23:11:00.005-05:00

Like every other person today I spent the day outside next to the pool and ate hot dogs cooked on the grill! This long weekend I started it off with a Grand Prairie Airhogs game on Friday night...

Saturday was swimming here at the condo with Kaleb in the afternoon, and then Kathryn and I went to the Highlands in Arlington where we enjoyed some sushi and bought some patio furniture finally!

We have been looking ever since the weather turned nice here, but with the sales this weekend it was the perfect opportunity to buy a table we liked for an incredible price! This morning we had blueberry pancakes to break it in!

Sunday was church, and I finally got to go to the singles who serve class. This is a class that was recently started, and it's for singles who are serving in the church all the time. We go into a little bit more depth when it comes to discussion, and it is more of a discussion setting instead of the traditional teacher/student class. It was awesome and very satisfying spiritually, which is always welcome! After church Kathryn and I went to the Galleria in Dallas where she pretty much talked me into getting a Coach clutch eventually! We'll see, though! Haha!

And today the family went up to the land in Sunset and went swimming and had chicken and hot dogs! It awesome, and I got way too much sun!!!

It was a super fun weekend and a much needed break for me. It was a very long and hard week for me, and the long weekend full of outdoors and fun people made it much better.

Hope you all had a great weekend as well!!!

God's Chisel

2009-05-12T17:57:00.001-05:00

I saw this video on a friend's Facebook page. It's awesome, and boy did I need to hear it. I hope ya'll enjoy as much as I did! I pray it stirs something in your soul.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY

Hello world!

2009-05-08T17:25:00.003-05:00

Well, I have finally moved here from Xanga. A friend of mine told me I needed to get a grown up blog and so here I am...my grown up blog! I have fallen out the practice of blogging, and I thoroughly enjoyed it when I was in college. Not to mention I realized my family likes to keep up with me, and this is a really good and easy way for them to do so.

The last time I posted was way back in August, and a lot has happened since then. I'll try and go in order! :)
~On December 16, 2008 Kaleb Cliatt officially became Kaleb Chapman in every since of the word!!! The adoption process was finalized, and he is now technically my parents' son...which makes him my brother...but he's really my nephew. It's confusing and redneckish at times, but I like him just as my brophew!

~Around that same time I moved back out to the warehouse at my job. I was working in HR but working there was hurting my soul and my sanity! Haha! I am officially in the ranks of being able to share boss stories for sure now! My favorite has to be calling me on my vacation time to tell her something that was locked on my computer and I didn't have memorized! Hahahaha!!!! I took a cut in pay for sure, but I am much happier now than I was. It was a good move.
~In January I finally moved out of my parents' house and in with my cousin Kathryn. She is technically my second cousin, but she feels more like my sister/cousin/best friend/roommate. We actually just met each other a year ago, if you can believe that! Her dad is my mom's cousin, and Kathryn just happens to go to UTA. So, when her dad called up my mom last January we met each other for the first time and the rest is history! It took a little time to get used to the whole having a roommate thing again, but after a couple of weeks it has pretty much been smooth sailing since then.

~On Penny's 1 year anniversary I went a got a tattoo to remember both Hayleigh and Penny. It's the Chinese character for love with HP underneath. It's on the inside of my left ankle, and I absolutely love it! I am very proud to show this one off!

~A couple of weeks ago we found out that the guy who hit and killed Penny is scheduled to have his trial the week of September 28th. Guess when Penny's birthday was...September 27th. Go figure, huh? We don't have many details as of yet, but I will be posting those for sure as the date gets closer. He is out on bail but is wearing an alcohol monitor and has to go in regularly to get it checked. He is pleading guilty, but he is going through a trial to try and get parole. He is thinking he may get sympathy points from a jury. We'll see...

~And the most recent news is I got into Grad school!!! I am going to Dallas Baptist University to get a MA in Global Leadership, which is their mission degree basically. This will allow me to work in a church as a mission's director, work overseas, teach in a private Christian school, or work in a mission's organization. I am extremely excited about this because it's the first thing I'm doing in a long time that I actually want to do! It's only a 45 credit hour degree, but because I'm a part time student, full time worker it'll still take me 2 1/2 to 3 years to finish.

Ok, I think that's all! Here's to trying to keep this one updated on a regular basis!